Date Talk

I had my second date with J on Saturday night. I went out to where he lives this time, and we had a lot of fun. We went to Target because I needed to return a sweater (that was too big, woo!) and to dinner at a place called Fresno's, then we went to the movies. Typical date stuff, really, but fun. The movie we went to was at a theater in a mall, so of course we walked around the mall for a while first, before we went in to the movie, because we were early. I didn't buy anything, but man, if I weren't completely broke, I would have bought this adorable blue monkey at Old Navy. I just tried to find him online, and don't see anything other than clothes on there, so you'll have to take my word for it - he was really cute. Oh well. I guess I didn't really need the adorable blue monkey, right?

We went to see The Guardian, which I had already seen but he hadn't, and I liked it a lot, so I didn't mind seeing it again. It was a really good movie.

And okay, boring details aside, I get a really good vibe from this guy. He looks at me like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world, and I haven't gotten that look from anyone in a very long time. I'm liking it. We talk on the phone every night, for about two hours each time, and we find more and more in common just about every night. I like him a lot, and I am pretty sure he likes me even more.

I don't know how much I've touched on this here before, but I have a history of basically being afraid of relationships. Until I was about 25, I ditched every guy I ever dated as soon as it looked like it might be getting serious. I don't know why, or what I was afraid of. I guess I was afraid of getting hurt. So of course the first time I actually let someone in, I fell in love and he broke up with me in a really shitty way (why do guys think it's okay to just stop calling and basically disappear?), and gave a really lame excuse when I called him on it, so of course my heart got broken. And I basically stopped trying to have relationships at all after that, because I guess my fear had been validated. You know the saying - once bitten, twice shy. It certainly was true with me.

And when I was with J on Saturday night, I had some of those same thoughts run across my mind. He is very into me - what if my feelings aren't as strong as his? What if I end up not wanting a future with him? I don't want to hurt him. And then I had to remind myself to stop. It was just that old fear talking. I like him more and more every time I talk to him - the only difference Saturday was that we were actually with each other, rather than just talking on the phone. I just need to get used to a physical proximity with him. The in person stuff is scarier.

But I did finally calm down about it, and we had a really good time. And I'm glad I haven't told him about this journal yet, because it's really nice to be able to talk to you all about this without having to censor myself (an excellent point brought up by Cathy in my comments). He's coming over on Wednesday after work to cook me dinner, an activity that I encourage, because I hate to cook and usually have cereal for dinner. I think the more time we spend with each other, the better it will all get. We need to get used to each other - you know, get to know the expressions and the body movements that are unique to every person.

And man, you should see how much cleaner my house is going to be by Wednesday. I cleaned two rooms thoroughly yesterday and have two more to do in the next two nights. I couldn't let him see that I've been living like a pig. And of course, after I got those two rooms done, I kept looking around and asking myself why I don't clean more often? It's not fun, but wow, the house looks nice! Hey, another relationship bonus - a clean house. Woo!

Okay, I have to get to work. Thanks for listening to me! And Sarah and Jamie, you can keep the teasing to a minimum, okay? Thanks. :)