Holidailies

See that fancy little button up there? I signed up for holidailies! (Just don't click that image looking for the holidailies link yet, because I haven't figured out how to link an image to a web site. I'll work on that. In the meantime, click here to go to the site: Holidailies.) This means that I'll be updating every day from December 7 to January 6 (I think those are the dates). Yay! I'm very excited about this for some reason. I hope I'll gain a few readers out of it (although my three current readers are all very dear to me!). And I know I'll be in good company. I've been reading online journals and blogs for a long time now - I started when I was working at Syracuse University, so probably since 1998 or '99. I was searching online for weight loss stuff, and stumbled across the weight loss journal of a woman who was living with her husband overseas. I had never heard of online journals before, but was fascinated with them. Eventualy I found out that there were journals out there that weren't focused on weight loss, and I found some very good ones. I've been reading Kymm, Xeney, Rob and Pamie the longest, I think, but have a list of no fewer than 15 others that I read regularly, too. It's just such a unique medium - to be able to go online and read about the personal lives of real people who live all over the world. It's amazing.

Anyway, it took me until October to finally decide that I wanted to throw my hat into the online journal ring. It remains to be seen if I have the staying power of the people mentioned above(Kymm has been posting online since the very early days of journals, and almost daily, which is amazing). I hope to stick around for a while, anyway. And now we'll see how good I am at posting every day! Make sure to check back in December to see how I do.

Feeling fat

I ate my way through my five day holiday vacation, and boy am I feeling it today. Ugh. I think I gained a pound a day for five days. I may never eat again (or at least until lunchtime :).

Also, I'm back at work today, and it actually feels nice to get back to a routine again after having five days in which I could do whatever I wanted whenever I wanted. Today is a 12 hour day for me, though, once you add in class. I'm sure I'll be wishing for time off again by tomorrow! And of course while I was getting ready for work this morning, I had this going through my mind on repeat: "two more weeks, two more weeks, two more weeks..." That's right - two more weeks and the semester is over! Woo! And hey, since I'm counting things down - only four more weeks of work until Christmas break, when I'll have a week off.

Mostly, though, I'm looking forward to that 5 1/2 week break between semesters. Ah, the joy of no classes, no groups, no tests, no lectures...heaven.

Mood shift

I have been feeling a little down for the last couple of days. There wasn't any reason to, really - I just tend to get a little down on the weekends. Yes, I am pathetic and have no life, so when I have the time to just sit at home by myself, I get a little lonely, bored and depressed. Nothing major, it's just something that happens (and yet, I never want to go to work on Monday - I am a mystery). Today hasn't been any exception, and yet my mood just shifted. Why? I have no idea.

Now I'm sitting here watching Desperately Seeking Susan on TV, with the Sims running on my desktop and my dog grumbling like she always does at some unknown threat. I had some loose plans to get together with a friend today, but he got asked to hang out with his brother, so that didn't happen. I was all right with that, though - although I really think it would have done me good to get out of the house today. :)

Also? I don't know what it is about him, but I have always thought that Aidan Quinn is just sexy as hell (that may seem like it's out of left field, but he's in Desperately Seeking Susan, so he was on my TV screen just now).

So I'm kind of thinking that I haven't really found my voice for this web site yet. I'm not sure how much of my personal thoughts I am comfortable telling, I'm not sure if the stream of consciousness writing is okay or if I should be writing entries that are more essays than laundry lists of my current thoughts. I don't know if anyone is reading this other than my two friends who I have given the link to. And that's okay with me for now. Because until I figure out how to write this, I'm not sure if I want much of an audience.

If nothing else, at least it's good writing practice. I keep a personal journal, too - one that will never be published on the web, because I don't hold anything back in that one. But that is definitely more stream of consciousness, as all personal journals (diaries) should be. Anyway, that's what I've been thinking about regarding this space. I might get more personal (although I wouldn't reveal anyone else's life on here, and I will never talk much about work stuff because I've learned that lesson through other people who have gotten fired for it), and I may try writing on a topic whenever I write, instead of just writing the boring "this is what I've been doing this weekend" type entries. I know that when I'm reading journals and blogs online, I like it when the people reveal themselves to a degree, and I want this to be interesting for anyone who might stumble across it.

Now I just have to figure out what types of topics to discuss!

And I also have to go find something to watch on TV, because there isn't anything on now. I'll talk to you guys later!

Post Thanksgiving Entry

This may be a day late, but here are a few things I am happy for, in no particular order.

1. My sister and her family, who graciously welcome me into their lives every holiday.
2. The wonderful dinner my sister made, including going out of her way to make some lactose free things that I could eat (I can't digest milk or butter, but am okay with cheese for some reason).
3. My kitties, who are very lovey and warm and furry and sweet.
4. My dog, even though she's been very grumbly today and last night.
5. IM, which lets me talk to my friends even when I'm staying home and being antisocial like today (hi Sarah and Jamie!).
6. My Sims game, even though it keeps me tied to the computer way longer than I should be.
7. Good books to read, like The Fiery Cross by Diana Gabaldon, which I'm reading right now.
8. Good DVDs to watch, like the first disc of season two of Smallville that I watched today.
9. Chocolate! Even though I really need to quit eating it for a while for the sake of my bodily comfort.
10. My friends, without whom I would surely lose my mind through my hermit like ways.

This list is just ten of the things that make my life worth living. I may not have a lot that I intended to have by this point in my life, but the love in my dog's eyes, the nice IMs from my friends when I'm online, the care and warmth of my sister's family - these are certainly a large part of what makes my life a decent one to live. And this is very schmaltzy, so I'll just end here. I hope you all had a great Thanksgiving (those of you who celebrate it, that is)!

Why holiday weeks rule

To counteract my last entry, I give you: why holiday weeks rule.

I woke up today somewhere around 7:45 or so. If I had to work today, I would have already been there for at least fifteen minutes by that time. When I got up, it was to find snow covered roads and grass and car and all I had to do in it was walk the dog. I didn't have to clean off my car, I didn't have to drive to work. Sitting here in my nice warm house looking out at it is much more enjoyable. And of course, the number one reason that holiday weeks rule - I'm sitting here typing this with my cat Gracie laying on my chest. She makes typing a little difficult, but I love her, so I don't mind.

I just figured out my bills for this month. I'm only about $200 short of being able to pay my homeowner's insurance, so here's hoping for a couple more freelance jobs. I've been doing some proofreading work for the University of Michigan (a job I got courtesy of my friend Sally, who just absolutely rules), and I turned the last job around really quickly, so here's hoping they'll send me some more work this month. I need the money! I'm not too worried about it, though, for some reason. Two hundred dollars isn't much to be short, really. I've been much worse off in my life. And if I have to, I can be late on paying some bills and come up with most of it that way. And I get another installment of student loan money in January, so I'll be okay again when that time comes around anyway.

Okay, I'm going to go start having fun on my first day of holiday vacation. Happy Thanksgiving to all you US residents, and hello to everyone else!

Why Mondays suck

Hello! It feels like it's been a little too long since I updated in here, although it was probably not that long at all. I felt compelled to write tonight, though. Because you know what? Sometimes it sucks to take classes at the same college where you work. On Mondays I work from 8:30 - 5:00, then I go to class from 5:15 to whenever the professor is done or 9:00, whichever comes first. That right there is too much time spent away from home, before you factor in any other annoyances.

But on top of the hours, I have to deal with the fact that I am in classes with the same stuents that I help at work all day. And that by itself isn't a problem. What gets annoying is that those students think that they can ask me work related questions while I'm in class and even while I'm in the hallway at 8:00 at night, walking out to my car to finally leave for the day. And of course, both of these things happened to me tonight. First, in class I got questions about a sale we're having on last year's laptops. I don't mind answering those questions, because they're simple and straightforward. But those questions lead in to other people wanting to complain about the price of the laptops that they purchased when they came to school, about the fact that they don't get the CDs for the Microsoft software on their computer until they graduate, and that, oh my god, they have to pay a total of FOURTEEN DOLLARS for the priviledge of owning this software that retails for over $300. Oy.

And then I'm walking out of class after class is over, frustrated by a woman in my class who missed tonight's class and asked me to e-mail her notes, which I did. And then she e-mails me back before I leave class, because she's confused! When are the final presentations due? What is the next test on? When is the final? Where in the hell is Hamilton Hall? You know what woman? If you get that confused by missing one class, then maybe you shouldn't miss it in the first place.

Anyway, so I was a little frustrated by her, and annoyed by the people using my presence as a reason to complain about the policies of the place where I work, and I was just trying to get home, you know? When I meet someone in the hall who I know from a couple of my classes, and who was in the office earlier today. First, for anyone who reads this who isn't familiar with the college where I work, I should explain that we issue cell phones to the on campus students. These phones are in lieu of landline phones in their dorms, and they have to be returned to us if they move off campus (because you wouldn't be able to take that landline with you if you left, right? So this phone needs to stay too) or if they leave school and aren't going to be coming back. And this student, let's call him N, because that's the first letter of his name, moved off campus this semester but didn't return his phone, so we put a $50 charge on his bill, which would be removed when he returned the phone. He came in to return it today, but didn't have the Sim card in the phone. Well, the body of the phone is pretty useless without the sim, so he's getting charged that $50 anyway. All completely understandable, and he knew that this was how it worked and he didn't really expect the charge to come off, and yet he felt the need to complain about it to his friends while I was there in the hallway. I wouldn't have to deal with that kind of crap if I didn't take classes there, so why should I have to take it just because I do? You know? Ugh.

Anyway, I'm just annoyed and I need to relax and unwind. Which I plan to do now. I won't even get into how this piece of shit computer that I paid almost $900 for a few months ago made me start it up three times before I could get it running right after I got home. That's an annoyance that I'm choosing to ignore for now.

But, there is one bright side to all of this, and you know what that is? I only have one more day of work and classes, and then I'll be on Thanksgiving break for five whole days. Hallelujah.

Happier Entry for Sarah

Apparently my last entry is making certain people sad, so let's see if I can come up with something more cheerful to talk about today. Hmm, the pressure of coming up with an idea...

Okay, I know. Guess what I did last night? I watched four episodes of Smallville in a row while I played the Sims. Yes Sarah, you got me hooked. Thanks! I mailed season one, disc four back to Netflix this morning and have disc five sitting on my desk. I also added seasons 2, 3 and 4 to my list (right after Veronica Mars, which I've heard about but never seen, so I thought I would check that out to see if I like it), and can't wait until I can get caught up so that I can start watching the current season. Does that cheer you up, Sarah?

Oh, by the way - Clark is very hot, and I don't want Lex to become evil, even though of course he is going to. I like him fighting his inner darkness, not giving in to it.

Okay, in addition to watching Smallville last night, I also, of course, played the Sims. I started a legacy family for the first time, which is where you create a Sim, buy him the most expensive lot they have and you can't cheat for money. Which, with the Nightlife expansion pack, means they only have $1,500 to start out life with. My guy was living on the lawn with just a toilet, a bed, a dorm sized refrigerator, a phone and a chair. Luckily he fell in love with a girl who brought him $17,000 when they got married a week later. Now they have a house and everything! The challenge is to get a family of Sims through ten generations without killing them all off and without cheating for money. We'll see if I make it that far.

And now that I've completely bored anyone who isn't interested in the Sims, I guess I better shut up. It's time to go open the door at work anyway.

Memories of Mom

My mother died April 22, 2000. I had a very hard time dealing with her loss - I went into a depression that I didn't fully come out of for about three years. Now, though, I'm okay. I think about her a lot and have dreams about her from time to time, but I'm no longer depressed or anything. That's why I was so surprised when the grief returned full force while I was visiting my brother in July.

My oldest brother was kind enough to use some of his frequent flyer miles to allow me to travel to Tennessee to visit him and his fiance for the July 4th weekend. I was happy to see them and their new house, and to visit Tennessee, where I'd never been before. He lives just outside of Nashville, so naturally he thought it would be a good idea to take me to the Grand Ole Opry while I was there. I wasn't too excited about going, because I'm not a country music fan (I'm a rock girl now and forever), but I figured it would be a good experience. And it really was. What shocked me, though, was how I started crying with the first notes of the first song, and didn't stop for a solid half hour. Why? Because I could feel my Mom all over the place.

My mother loved country music, and it was a dream of hers to go see a show at the Grand Ole Opry (she also wanted to go to Yankee Stadium for a game - she was a huge Yankees fan). The music was all stuff that I remember her and my step-dad listening too when I was a kid, and it's all stuff that I probably hadn't heard since she died five years earlier, and really probably years before that. The sounds of the music filled the air around me, and she came with it. To make it even worse, there was a woman sitting in front of me that looked a lot like Mom. She had the same nose (I loved Mom's nose and wished I had gotten it, but I got my Dad's, unfortunately), the same hair color, the same shape to her cheeks - it was eerie. I sat next to my brother, trying not to let him see that I was crying my eyes out. It was so bad that I didn't know if I'd be able to make it through the whole show. Luckily they had half hour shows with breaks in between. I barely made it to the first break.

What amazed me, though, was that the experience brought my Mother back to me in a way I hadn't been able to see her in a very long time. She had been sick before she died. She started having strokes in 1996, and they altered her personality quite a bit. She was still the same person, but her personality was entirely different. Sitting in that darkened hall, though, with the sounds of the music flowing around me and into me, I started to be able to see her the way she used to be, before the strokes, before my step-father's death, before life had beaten her down and changed her forever. I could see a vision of her sitting next to me, her eyes shining, dancing and singing along to the music, and looking over at me and touching me, sharing her joy with me. I may have cried for that whole half an hour segment of the show, but once I got past the initial rush of grief and started to remember that version of her, there started to be happiness under the tears. I don't think I will ever go back to the Grand Ole Opry again, but I will always be grateful to my brother for taking me there in July, and giving my mother back to me. Thanks for coming Mom - it was so good to see you.

My Sunday is killing me

I have been looking forward to Thanksgiving weekend so much. Five whole days off! No school, no work, no responsibilities except spending the day at my sister's on Thursday for the obligatory holiday dinner thing. Otherwise, my time is my own, to spend it however I want. I have been looking forward to hanging out around the house, watching TV and playing the Sims to my heart's content.

Sounds nice, doesn't it? The truth is, it's apt to make me want to kill myself by the time Sunday night rolls around that week. I spent a good chunk of yesterday with my friend Jamie, going out to lunch and getting groceries and watching two weeks worth of Nip/Tuck. So yesterday was fine. But I was alone last night, and I've been alone all day, and I've been playing the Sims and watching TV and now it's 5:36 in the evening, and I'm really not as happy as you'd think I'd be on a day off. I'm lonely, my dog is grumbling for no reason and driving me crazy, I'm getting bored with my Sims, I ran out of Smallville DVDs to watch, and worst of all I think I have killed my right wrist. I have problems with that wrist - I've never been to the doctor for it, but I figure it's a carpal tunnel type thing, because it hurts when I've been doing a lot of computer stuff, especially with a mouse. And of course, that's what I've been doing all day. Silly me.

Anyway, if it hurts this bad after just one and a half days, what is it going to feel like after five? Ugh. I shudder to think.

That being said, even though I know I'll be alone too much and on the computer too much, I'm still looking forward to the break. But maybe I'll have to plan on doing something to keep myself busy. Something that doesn't involve a computer.

One bright spot - I bought myself a small Christmas Cactus yesterday. I will always love these plants, not only because they bloom so pretty this time of year, but also because they will always remind me of my mother, who loved them. I haven't had one in a couple of years, and it's felt wrong. Having this plant on top of my compter tower makes me feel like a piece of Mom is here again. It's nice.

Oh, another bright spot - I had a dream this morning that I was a teenager, and I was having a party. Who was at this party? A teenage John Cusack, looking like he was right out of Say Anything or, my personal favorite, The Sure Thing. Once the party was almost over, we ended up talking and he left and I went down the hall to go to bed. Then the door opened, he walked back in, picked me up and gave me the biggest, hottest French kiss ever. Any dream that ends with a kiss from John Cusack is a very good dream indeed.

My house, isn't it pretty?

The cold weather has come to central New York. Brrr!

This is the side of my house. Isn't it pretty? It's an old farm house. I bought it in 1999, but it was built in about 1900. It has five bedrooms, and is way too big for me, since I live alone. I don't even use the upstairs, except for storage. It's a waste, really. I love it, though. It needs some work done to it - I've started replacing the windows, but I still have eight more to do before I'm done. I also need to get a new roof and the siding needs to be replaced, too. Fun, huh? It'll take me years to get all of that done, since I live alone and have a million bills. And by the time I get all of that done I'll probably sell it and buy something smaller, because I really don't need that much room for just myself, you know?

My house is in the middle of a bunch of farmland, so I'm surrounded by corn fields and have a nice view of a farm just across the corn field that I was standing in when I took this picture. I got a notice of a public hearing a while ago because someone wanted to create a major subdivision within 500' of my property. I'm not too thrilled with that idea, because I love not having neighbors. But, on the plus side, maybe it'll drive up my property values so that ifI do decide to sell, I can get more money than I would otherwise. Who knows.

Anyway. Today is Friday, and I am so happy about that, you have no idea. I need the break. I need a vacation, actually. I can't wait for Thanksgiving break (did I write that in here before? It sounds familiar, so I probably did. Sorry!). I am going to spend part of tomorrow with my friend Jamie. We'll go to lunch and to Walmart, probably, and then we'll come back to my house and watch Nip/Tuck, which he got me watching.

Ooh, speaking of TV, Sarah got me interested in Smallville, and I got the first two discs of season one from Netflix the other day. I watched the first three episodes last night, and it's so good! I can't believe I never watched it before. Plus, Sarah was right - Clark is just cute. Definitely worth watching. And of course, James Marsters from Buffy is on the current season, so I'm looking forward to catching up and seeing him on TV again. I love my Buffy and Angel people.

Okay, I guess I should get back to work. I hope you're all having nice Fridays, all two of you who read this!

Random stuff

I was the last person to leave work last night (at 5:45) and the first person in this morning (at 7:20). What I won't do to get close to 40 hours a week. Tonight I get to leave at 5:00, though, and then I get to go straight home and I only have a little bit of homework to do for tomorrow, which will only take me about five minutes, so I actually get to relax! It's incredible. I'm going to be online chatting with my friend Sally (who doesn't seem to have read this yet, even though I've sent her the link. I'll have to talk to her about that tonight :) tonight. We were supposed to chat on Tuesday night, but someone cut a fiber optic cable close by, and I didn't have Internet (or phone) service all day, at work or at home. I had my friend Jamie e-mail her to let her know, though, so I didn't stand her up. It's been a couple of weeks at least since we've chatted, so I'm looking forward to tonight.

I bumped into one of my aunts at Walmart a couple of weekends ago. She is my mother's sister. Our family is very strange - we never keep in touch with each other. Since Mom and her mom died, I think I've seen them all only once or twice (and it's been six years since I lost Mom), and then just by accident. I guess I like this Aunt okay. I don't really know her, because of the aforementioned weirdness, but she gave me her e-mail address, and I gave her mine, and I guess we've started keeping in touch by e-mail. I love e-mail. It's such a no pressure way to communicate with people who you might not feel comfortable picking up the phone and calling.

I'm going to be so glad when Thanksgiving break comes. We get three days off from both work and school for it, so it'll be a real break. It'll be nice. Maybe I'll actually get around to getting my hair cut that weekend. It's been way too long since I got it cut. It's very long now - down to the middle of my back. I don't mind that, but it's a little too much trouble. I'm going to get it cut to shoulder length, whenever I find the time to make the trip to the salon. I might get it dyed to get rid of the gray that's showing back up, too. Maybe. The gray doesn't bother me that much, so it really depends on whether I feel like sitting in the chair for an hour to get rid of it. We'll see.

Okay, I've been here half an hour now - is it time to go home? No? Damn. Okay. I guess I should find some work to do.

My Favorite Things

These are a few of my favorite things (sorry if that just put a song in your head!):

Quiet Sunday afternoons at home
The happy look my cats get when they're on my lap being petted
Romantic movies on TV (Love Story and Untamed Heart today)
Being inside, nice and cozy and warm, when it's raining (or snowing) outside
Going to the grocery store in November without a coat (a rarity here)
Chocolate when I'm PMSing
Chocolate even when I'm not PMSing
The sight of Willow sleeping on her dog bed
The sight of my cat Kate in her soft cloth cat house
My wonderful Sims
My family, who can make me feel warm and loved when they want to
My sister
Spending time with friends
IMing with Sarah
IMing with Sally
Having lunch and watching Nip/Tuck with Jamie
Sally and Steve, and their cat Chaz, even though I haven't yet met him
Breaks from school
Vacations from work
Reading
Reading
Reading (it's worth mentioning more than once)
SU basketball
Random phone calls from long lost siblings (most recently, Dean)
My house, even though it needs work that I can't afford
Cheddar and Sour Cream Lay's potato chips
The Internet
Listening to music
Feeling content in my life, even if just for a few hours
My beautiful Zelda (you may remember her from an earlier entry)
Her sisters Gracie, Lucy, Kate and Sable
The mute button on my remote control (for commercials)
My dogs Bo and Bailey (I miss them both)
5:00 on a work day, when I get to go home
Water
Diet Pepsi, although I've cut myself down to no more than two bottles a week
Autumn, with it's colorful leaves and chilly air
Flannel sheets in the winter
My down filled duvet in the winter
My down filled feather bed all year round
TV on DVD (currently M*A*S*H and just finished Quantum Leap)
My DVR
Getting comments on my blog :)

Soaps

Soap operas never fail to amaze me. I grew up watching General Hospital, along with most of the other ABC soap operas, because that's the station my Mother watched when I was a kid. I missed Luke and Laura's wedding because I got home too late from school that day, and it was before VCRs. Still, through the years I have seen more weddings, disasters, relationship hook-ups and break-ups than I could count, and that's even though I went for a good 15 years without watching. I started watching GH again just over a year ago, and I have no shame in admitting that I have been hooked ever since. Still, they have done a few things that just make me shake my head.

First, in less than a year, I have seen at least two kids instantly grow up from about the age of 10 to a ripe, beautiful, dramatic storyline worthy 17. The latest is Luke's daughter Lulu, who was about ten years old the last time I saw her, but who suddenly reappeared at her brother's wedding as a beautiful, angry at her father 17 year old. And of course Lucky, the oldest of Luke and Laura's kids, is old enough that he would have had to have been born before Luke and Laura ever got together. But whatever.

The other thing they keep doing is replacing the actress who plays Carly. I wasn't watching when the original Carly was on the show, so for me the second Carly was the original. She left about six months ago and was replaced with someone else, right in the middle of a dramatic storyline. I didn't like her at first, because I hate the way soaps replace actors even when they've been playing their characters for years and have earned a loyal fan base. But I got used to her. And suddenly? She's gone too, and Carly is being played by someone else. It just makes me shake my head.

Of course, the fact that the Edward Quartermaine that I grew up watching died a long time ago and his role was recast with someone who seems way younger makes me shake my head so much that my eyes should be loose and out of their sockets by now.

Anyway, as much as it infuriates me sometimes, I really do love this show. Alexis and Rick, Nikolas and Emily, Jason and Sam, Lucky and Elizabeth - I love them all. Even though half of those couples are currently broken up. But I'm sure it's just a matter of time before they find their way back to each other. Or until they sleep with someone else and get pregnant or catch their lovers sleeping with someone else. Ahh, the glory of soaps.

Insert clever title here

One thought has gotten me through this week so far - Thursday. I took Thursday off from work so that I could get some minor work done on my car and get it inspected, and the thought of having that day off has gotten me up on time all week. I can't wait for it. I hope to spend the day with my sister, but I forgot to call her last night and ask her about it, so I'll have to call her this afternoon to make sure she's going to be around and wants some company. I also plan on getting a haircut and maybe having Chinese food for lunch, yum. Anyway, it'll be a good day whether I end up doing any of that or just hanging out at home by myself, because it's a random weekday off, and those are always great.

And the work that I'm getting done should all be covered under warranty (except the inspection), so hopefully it won't even cost me too much to pick my car back up. :)

I spent some time last night building houses in the Sims 2 while I watched All of Me. I had forgotten how funny that movie was. And I need to go back in and finish the house I was building, because I still had quite a bit of work to do on it when I went to bed. I enjoy that game way too much.

I have to meet with another group for class tonight. I really hate group work. I am going to be out of here by 7:00, though, one way or the other. My days are long enough without adding any more than two hours onto the end of them for class stuff. I can't wait for this semester to be over.

Okay, this is all very random information and I've run out of it, so that's all! I hope you're all having good Wednesdays, wherever you are.