Away

I'm out of town today and half of tomorrow, on a work trip. I didn't have to go far - just a couple of hours away. The drive was nice, and for the first time in my life, I drove a vehicle larger than a small car! I took the work van, because my car needs new brakes and the mileage is getting kind of high - I don't want to take it on road trips anymore if I don't have to. So I'm driving the van. Which drives just like a car - I just had to get used to the height of it. No biggie. Although I keep reaching between the seats for the shifter, because that's where mine is - but on the van it's on the steering column. Hee.

We went out to dinner tonight after the meeting, and it was at a fancy restaurant, so I was afraid I wouldn't find anything to eat (I'm picky AND lactose intolerant, which is a fun combination sometimes), but they had chicken Marsala, so that was fine. I paid $18 just to eat a piece of chicken, but oh well. I can't help it if I would have been happier at Wendy's - most professional people would prefer the fancy place. I've just never been a fancy person. I did turn down the $6 brownie for dessert, though. It would have been yummy, I'm sure, but I can use the $6 to go to the movies, instead. :) Sex and the City comes out tomorrow, so I have plans to see that on Saturday. If I'm frugal enough, I'll be able to pay for the movie AND get lunch - but we'll have to go somewhere cheap to eat. Being broke isn't fun, but it does teach you how to stretch a dollar when you want to do something fun but your funds are limited.

And okay, I'm going to go lay in bed and find something to watch on TV. Good night, Internet. (And J, I miss you. I wish you were here.)

I Have a Secret

I have a secret. Every time my phone rings at work (especially in the afternoon), I secretly hope it's J calling me. And whenever it isn't (which is often, since I'm at work and people do sometimes call me about work stuff there, and also, J is also at work, and can't be calling my needy ass all day long), I get disappointed.

I'm such a sucker for a call from my man. Or a smile from him. Or a sarcastic word from him. I'll take whatever I can get. :)

(Yes, I know, you're all puking on your keyboards now. :P)

*****

Also, and this has nothing to do with the above whatsoever...someone at my work is going to see Billy Joel in concert with some friends. She has no idea who Billy Joel is or what he sings. She claims it's because she's 25 and spent her youth listening to rap, but that doesn't seem to be any kind of an excuse to me. How do you live in this world and not even know Piano Man? Or Uptown Girl or any of the other multiple hits he's had in the last three decades? That ticket is lost on her.

Memorial Day Weekend

My long weekend is almost done, which is sad, because it's been so great! Saturday I rearranged the living room, which took the whole morning, but I think it looks good now. Then that afternoon J and I went to my sister's house. She had a combination graduation/birthday party. Two of my nieces were graduating - one with her bachelor's degree, one with her RN nursing degree - and my great-niece turned five on Sunday. It was a lot of fun hanging out there, as always. We had burgers and hot dogs and cake.

Sunday was J's birthday, yay! Happy Birthday, J! I gave him his gifts in the morning, his parents came over to wish him a happy birthday, and then we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie in the afternoon. And it was great! I had been hearing some mixed reviews on it, but J and I both loved it. I wouldn't mind seeing it again, actually. And we got to have movie theater popcorn, woo! :)

And today we have hung out together watching DVDs, and we went mini-golfing earlier (I beat him by two strokes, which was total luck, but I'll take it), and J barbecued some chickn and some Hoffman's hot dogs, so life is good. And J has peanut butter pie for his birthday, since he's not really a cake lover, and since I don't like that, I have chocolate pie.

Happy Memorial Day, people. I hope yours was as good as mine.

Mix CD

Yesterday when I got home from work, I was greeted by my exhausted man, who had worked all the Wednesday night, and hadn't had any sleep since Tuesday night. He was worn right out. He wasn't too tired to surprise me with the sweetest present ever, though. He made me a mix CD. :)

As hard as it may be to believe, I have never received a mix CD (or tape) from a boyfriend before. Shoot, before J I didn't let anyone stick around long enough to do that kind of thing, I guess. I usually kicked them to the curb within two or three weeks, which is about how long it took for my relationship fears to kick in and send me into panic mode. So the fact that this is a new experience for me might make it that much more special, I don't know. All I know is that I love this CD.

It starts out with our song - You and Me, by Alice Cooper. It includes Spider Pig, from the Simpsons movie. It includes songs that we've heard at concerts we've gone to together, and songs that we both love. Mostly, though, it's filled with songs that make J think of me when he hears them. It may be the most romantic thing he's done for me yet.

I've listened to it four times so far today. I'll be listening to it in my car on the way home. I love it. Thank you, J.

And as a special ending to this post, here is something to watch - Alice Cooper, on The Muppet Show, singing You and Me to a Muppet (unfortunately this clip doesn't show the surprise ending - the Muppet he was singing to was actually Miss Piggy, who had been changed into that other thing with a spell by Alice. The only clip I could find that included that was in a different language and dubbed. Sigh).

Today's Work Mood: Annoyed

I'm having a kind of annoying day. I got a call this morning from the one person at work that I hate, and he just set my mood for the whole day. Or at least the the first half of the workday. I'm hoping for better things this afternoon. We'll see.

So, J took me over to pick up my car on Saturday afternoon. I paid my bill and managed not to wince too much as I handed him the check for over $400. Sigh. I'll miss that money. But, the car is quiet now, and much safer, so it was worth the money. Although I do still need new brakes (I'm going to try to do them next month) and new tires at some point before winter. Oh, and my check engine light is on because there is a problem of some sort with my radiator fan, so I'll have to get that checked, too. Why is it that all of the problems start now, when I'm trying to catch up on bills and maybe start to get ahead? Not to mention that the car is really close to being paid off - I'll make my last payment in November. Sigh. Cars suck, at least when they need fixing. And when you have to fill the gas tanks, too. Something needs to be done about this gas price thing - it's just gotten out of control. I can't afford it!

Anyway. While I was there picking up my car, I saw my Aunt. She is the mechanic's step-mother. For those of you who don't know me (and for those who do), this Aunt is my father's sister. My father died when I was two (almost three), and my mother cut us off from his family due to a dispute she had with his parents, so I grew up not knowing them. The grandparents are all gone now, so this Aunt is my only link with his family. It gives me kind of mixed feelings about her. I don't know her at all, really, but she is family, and she knows things about my family that I never will - how we were when I was a baby, and before I was even born. She told me a story of a time when she babysat all five of us while Mom and Dad went to Florida on a trip.

Apparently, Mom had all of the older kids pretty well trained. They'd get up in the morning and make their beds, and one of them would get breakfast and another one would clean up and another one would sweep the floors. And then the older four would all go off to school, and she'd be left to just watch me during the day. And she said that one night I got up fussing, because I needed to be changed. So she got up and changed me, and put me back to bed. Then the next morning she said my sister asked her about it. "I heard (my nickname) last night. What was wrong with her?" "She needed to be changed." "So what did you do?" "I changed her." "Well, you're supposed to rock her back to sleep." :) Apparently my sister was a little mother even then.

Also, I think I've figured out why, to this day, I do a slight rocking motion when I first go to bed (and in case that needs to be explained - when I'm lying on my side, I'll rock back and forth a little bit). I don't do it long, but for the first few minutes after I go to bed I will. And now I guess I know why! :D

Anyway. I probably still won't see my Aunt much at all, except when I happen to run into her. But it's a strange thought to realize that she's my only link to a whole side of my family that I don't know.

Okay. I need to go do something else, I guess. Like find something to put a smile on my face, since the mood hasn't lifted much. I hope you're all having great Mondays!

Car repair update

J is on his way home from work right now - when he gets here, we're going to go get my car, which is ready and waiting for me. And I almost got my wish! The mechanic called last night and said it was going to cost $200 to replace the bad wheel bearing in my left front wheel. Woo! But then he called back this morning and said that after he got that one in, he test drove it, and it was still making the roaring noise - the right front wheel bearing was going bad, too. :( So I told him to replace that one, too, and now my bill is $405. Sigh. More than I hoped for, but I was still able to pay it, and by only sacrificing one or two bills (one of which is the vet bill, and with what they put me through last month, I don't feel bad about that at ALL, and anyway, they'll be paid off next month when I get my tax rebate/economic stimulus check finally), I can still buy J some birthday presents, which was my most important goal.

So, it's not bad. And my car will be safe again, which is good. I'll be happy to drive to work without having to fear that my car will fall apart and crash somewhere.

I will have to take it back in at some point this summer, once I save some more money, though. It needs new tires and the check engine light is on for a reason that isn't vital or life threatening, but will have to be taken care of before I can have it inspected in December.

Cars suck. Or at least car payments and car repair bills suck. But being able to pay those bills does not suck, so I'm really happy it didn't cost more than it did.

Car Repairs

I'm dropping my car off at the shop tonight. Cross your fingers and hope for a cheap repair bill for me, would you? I'm thinking about $300 or less. Yes, I'm hoping for a lot. We'll see if I'm hoping for too much. I'll let you know.

No More Blueberry Muffins for Me, Thanks

I am mildly lactose intolerant. I say mildly, because I can eat some dairy - I'm fine with cheese, I can eat ice cream and I can eat yogurt. Milk, however, I canNOT drink, and most things made with milk are also off limits, such as mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and other yummy things like that. I haven't had Stouffer's macaroni and cheese in easily five years, and I still miss it from time to time. Oh, and I miss milkshakes, too. Mmmm.

One of the things that I have found out I CAN'T eat, unless I buy a mix and make them myself, is blueberry muffins. They're made with milk, and they bother me. I won't go into what they do to me, because it's gross, but suffice it to say after I get this reaction from a food item once, I tend not to eat it again.

And yet, when a coworker brought in store bought mini blueberry muffins this morning, I checked out the label. Milk was listed in the ingredients, but it was under the "contains 2% or less of..." section. So I would be fine if I only ate one, right? They're so little! I ate one. I've been paying for it all day.

I am an idiot.

How Diet Pepsi is Saving My Life Today

Willow decided to be a bitch last night, and not in the technical, she's a female dog kind of way. She kept J and I awake most of the night by growling. All night long. Until I finally kicked her out of the bedroom - almost literally, but she moved too fast for my foot to hit her.

So today I'm working on about four hours of sleep and a just-finished 20 ounce bottle of Diet Pepsi (thank you, Diet Pepsi, for keeping me awake today, so that I can at least pretend to work). So I thought I would tell you how my day is going, in a very general timeline (all times approximate, because it's not like I was awake enough to write any of this down).

6:36 - tiny sobs, as I realize it's time to get up, and I need to sleep, like, four more hours to be fully rested. J and I tell each other how tired we are, and I get up, while he stays in bed for another hour (lucky man - even if he didn't go back to sleep, still lucky).

6:40 - 7:35 - get ready for work, telling every animal who will listen how tired I am. Yell at Willow and childishly refuse to pet her, because I'm tired and grumpy and holding a grudge. Put the gate back on the futon, so that Willow won't be able to lay on it and be all comfy all day, while I'm at work suffering. Also wish I could be home all day to poke her whenever she starts to go to sleep. We couldn't sleep all night, why should she get to sleep all day?

8:00 - 9:30 or so - sleep walk through work, getting a few things done in spite of my exhaustion.

At some point during this time, around 9:00, maybe? - get a call from someone who works for my company, who is the ONE PERSON in the ENTIRE COMPANY that I really can't stand. Listen to him bitching about being all confused about something that has been going on for A MONTH NOW, biting my tongue because I have no patience in the world. At all. Especially for him. Sigh, out loud, and wish I could shoot daggers through the phone. Like, literally, daggers that would hit him and at the very least wound him horribly.

9:30 - start to wake up a little, thanks to my Diet Pepsi. Which, as I may have mentioned, rocks my tired little world today.

9:45 - find out that the woman who I used to work with in another department, who brought in birthday strawberry shortcake fixings for a coworker's birthday today, used Grands biscuits and fake whipped cream, so that I would be able to eat them (I'm lactose intolerant). I told her she rocks the most, and I meant every word of it. That shortcake was awesome.

10:30 - start falling back to sleep (or at least wanting to). That energy burst didn't last long.

11:30 - lunch! Jelly sandwich and pretzels, yum.

12:00 - come back to a message, but it's not from J (I secretly always hope it's him, whenever my work phone rings, because I'd rather hear his voice than anyone else's, especially when the other people's voices might bring me more work). I take the message down and decide I will call back later, when I've cooled down from my walk and am maybe more awake (from chugging more Diet Pepsi).

12:40 - call the person back, only to find out that they already found what they were calling me for, meaning I don't have to do a thing. Woo! I love that kind of call. I decide that the gods are being merciful to a poor exhausted employed girl. And then I have this confirmed when I come back to my computer to find that Pandora is playing "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. If that won't wake you up, nothing will. :)

Okay, I must get back to it. Maybe I have a second wind coming. And if not, I have a second bottle of Diet Pepsi on my desk, waiting to help me out. Oh, here is a side benefit to all that Diet Pepsi - soda makes me feel full. I'm trying, once again, to eat less junk food and lose some weight (like, 25 pounds initially, 60 pounds overall). The soda is helping me not want to snack. Diet Pepsi, is there nothing you can't do?

Why, why, why?

Why do some women feel like their butt is to precious to sit on a toilet seat? Not that I have a problem if they want to give their thigh muscles a workout by hovering over the seat, but I DO have a problem when the fact that they're hovering over the seat, so that their princessy ass doesn't need to touch the same spot that anyone else's butt has touched (the horror!), means that they have bad flow control, or bad aim, or both, and they end up peeing on the fucking seat!

Learn to aim, sit your ass on the seat like a normal person, or hold it until you go home. But above all, stop peeing on a toilet seat that I might need to use after you.

Good Job!

I got a "good job" from my big boss today. I LOVE that. It makes me feel like my job is secure for just a little while longer. :) (And he doesn't just hand those accolades out at the drop of a hat, so they mean a lot.)

Maybe this Monday won't suck after all! (Even though I forgot to get a towel out before I got in the shower this morning, so when I got done and opened the curtain, I was all, "fuck. Sable, get me a towel, would you?" She didn't. Hmph.)

Warning: Mushiness Ahead, Proceed at Your Own Risk

I missed updating yesterday. Oops. So now, even though it's May, and my obligation to update every day is over (not that I made it, but the double posting days make up for the days I didn't post at all, right? Sure they do), I'm posting today. This is fair warning, though - I'm feeling mushy, about the one person in my life I get mushy over, so if that kind of stuff nauseates you, don't read this (Sarah :P).

So. I was having a rough afternoon yesterday. I was hormonal, I think, because I felt the need to eat everything that wasn't nailed down, and I felt very uncomfortable in my own skin as a result. I'm also completely broke right now. I only got $14 in gas the other day, because it was just enough to get me through until payday, and I needed to get cat food (and I only had $21). My cats weren't going to make it until the weekend on what they had.

Well, yesterday after work, J and I went out to dinner at Denny's (did I get something light, to make up for earlier? No, I got chicken tenders and fries - I make no sense even to myself). After dinner was over, we stopped at Walmart so that J could get a wire (cable, whatever) to plug his mp3 player into a boom box. After he found his cord (wire, cable, whatever), we walked over to the cat food aisle. I was debating between the small bag and the medium bag. I was going to pick up the medium bag, because it was $7.12, and I had $7 and change in my wallet. It would leave me sans cash until, well, probably until June or so, since I'll still be broke in May (due to car repairs this time) but whatever. At least the cats would eat. J pointed out the 20 pound bag, and I told him I couldn't afford that - I only had $7. And he picked one up and walked away, and paid for it at the register.

And that seems like a small thing, but you know what? I haven't had anyone to help me like that in years. No, not to help me, but to take care of me, because that's what it felt like. And I almost started to cry (again, hormonal). And it's not really about the cat food - it's about all of it. He loves me, honest to god LOVES me, like no one has loved me since my Mom (only in a different way, duh). I was 37 before I met him. I thought I would be alone forever. I'm 38 now (almost 39), and not only am I not alone, but I've found the person I've been looking for my whole life - the one who loves me no matter what, the one who wants to take care of me and protect me. The one who would do anything for me. And the best part is, I feel the same way about him. And maybe I only appreciate that feeling so much because I lived for so long without it, I don't know. But I do appreciate it, very much. I appreciate HIM very much.

I love him very much.

Okay, mushy post over. I'll go back to normal next time I write, okay? Okay.