I decided to start a new blog to chronicle my weight loss efforts. It seems like a big enough topic to require its own space, don't you think? If you care about how I'm doing on my quest to lose weight, you can follow me here. If not, well then, I guess you can ignore this whole post. :)
Losing weight is such a constant struggle. It seems like it should be as easy to take it off as it was to put it on, but it just isn’t, as anyone who has ever had to lose weight knows. Whether you need to drop five pounds or 155, it’s a constant battle from the time you start until the time you get to your goal (and the fight doesn’t really end there, because you still have to maintain).
I don’t have 155 pounds to lose, thankfully, but I have way more than five. I started this struggle weighing about 80 pounds more than I want to. In the last three months I’ve lost 16 pounds, so I have a ways still to go.
So, if this is a fight, who am I battling? It feels like I should put a face to this foe of mine, but really, the only face I can give it is my own. I self-sabotage. Not all the time, thankfully, or the fight would be over before it started. But every once in a while my resolve falls, and I mess up.
This happened to me last week. I had set myself a goal of getting to a certain weight by July 4th, and it became clear last week that I wasn’t going to get there. I had hoped for it so much, and was working so hard, but it just wasn’t going to happen. So I gave up. I ate whatever I wanted, didn’t exercise, and didn’t worry about it. Luckily this only happened for a few days, and then I got back on track this last Monday. I’m doing really well, have worked out for two nights in a row, and will work out again tonight. And I actually weighed myself this morning, and I’m only a half pound higher right now than I was when my meltdown started, so I’m happy.
So now that goal I was working for won’t be reached by Saturday the 4th, obviously, and it might not be reached by my birthday in two weeks, either, but I’m getting closer. I know that I’ll get there, and then I’ll go past it, and I’m not worried about dates anymore. I’m learning all the time while I struggle to take weight off, and this was just the latest of the things I’ve learned.
The fight is back on. I’ve laced up my boxing gloves, I’m doing my dance around my opponent, to keep her (me) from knocking me down. I’m in this fight for the long haul. That 16 pound loss will turn to 20, then 25, then 30 and so on until the 80 is completely gone. I keep going back and forth on what I want my goal weight to be – I have a 10 pound range. Whether I end up in the upper end of the range, the lower end, or somewhere in the middle, I’ll be happy.
It’s a fight worth giving my all to, for sure. And I’m determined to win. That opponent of mine can keep knocking me down, but I’ll keep getting up and fighting back. As long as I get up more than she knocks me down, I’ll have won.
I waited a long time to get an engagement ring put on my finger. What was I, 38 when J proposed? Yeah, 38. I've worn it every single day since, proud to have it sitting there on my left ring finger, announcing my commitment to the man I love.
Today I had to move it to the middle finger for a while (I bet I had you all scared, thinking something had happened between me and J, right? Hee. Sorry about that). I've only lost 15.25 pounds so far, which is just a drop in the bucket of the total I have to lose, and yet my diamond has been flopping around all the time, and when I shook my hand earlier, it actually came off. And I do NOT want to lose my ring. My love for J and my love for my Mother are both tied into this thing (since it was Mom's ring from my Dad originally).
I knew that at some point my ring would get too big, but I never would have guessed that it would be getting loose this soon. It's not a big deal - I'll just move it to my middle finger, and when it gets too big again, I'll move it to my index finger. As long as I can still wear it, I'm happy. And when I get close to my goal weight, we'll get it resized so it can go back on its proper finger.
And I'm very happy to have random parts of me, like my fingers, getting smaller. :) The scale is going down slowly, but it's going down. It's a good thing.
Wow, I'm not really in here chatting much, am I? Sorry! I guess I haven't been in the blogging kind of mood.
So, nothing much has been going on with me. Mostly my mind has been focused on watching what I eat and exercising. I have a significant goal in mind that I want to reach by July 4th, and it's totally reasonable to think I can do it - I just need to do the work! So I've started doing workout DVDs on Netflix online. The first one, and the one I've liked best so far, was Crunch: Fat Burning Pilates. I did it on Tuesday night, and I worked up a really good sweat, worked a bunch of muscles, and did a nice bit of work on my abs, too. My legs were actually sore when I was done! Which I haven't been able to say after riding the exercise bike or doing the videos on sparkpeople, so I'm thinking I wasn't really working hard enough. The videos are helping in that regard.
The next night I did a Jillian Michaels DVD that was targeting the upper body (since my legs and abs had gotten worked the day before). It still worked the legs, so they were doubly sore when I was done, but I did get a decent workout in my arms and chest, too. My chest was actually sore! So it was good, I think.
Last night I took a night off, to let my muscles rest. One of the things I've learned is that muscles need time to rest, to heal. I'm not sore at all today, so I think the rest was good. One night of rest is all my muscles are getting, though, because tonight I'm back to the Crunch DVD.
Oh, and I found this virtual me thing online, and put in my height, my starting weight, my goal weight, and my body type. If gave me virtual before and after pictures (these are from the Levi's website, so she's wearing Levi's jeans and a Levi's top). Here it is:
I have no perspective on what I looked like when I started (11 pounds ago), so I'm not sure how accurate the before side is. From what I remember of being at my goal weight many years ago, the after seems pretty accurate, though. I had a small upper body, with the little bit of extra weight I still had on me in the legs and butt. (My goal weight here is 135, by the way, although in reality I'll be happy anywhere between 135 and 145, which should be about a size 6 or 8 pants (US sizes, obviously).) I have this saved on my desktop at work and at home, and from time to time I open it up and look at the after, for inspiration. I'm going to get there this time, I can feel it. I'm working hard for it, so it'll happen. Eventually. Probably early next year.
Anyway, so that's what been on my mind, mostly. Well, that and Sims 3! Which came out on Tuesday. I wasn't sure if I wanted it, but then I started seeing pictures and stories about it from people who got it that day, and now I absolutely want it! It's different than Sims 2, but that's okay. I'm going into it thinking of it as a totally different game than 2. So the differences don't bother me. I just want it! Unfortunately, it's $50, and I don't get paid until next week, so it'll have to wait. I'll have it in my hands eventually, though. I just hope it works on my desktop when I get it! The video card seems to have what they require, but it isn't a version that's supported by EA for the game, so who knows if it will or not. We'll see, whenever I get my hands on a copy of it.
Other than that, I've been reading lots, and knitting some (still working on my new niece's blanket), and watching DVDs and TV, and hanging out with J when he's home. Life is pretty good.
And there you have a quick recap of what's been going on with me. I hope you all are doing well too!
Riding a real bike out on a semi-hilly road for ten minutes is way more work than riding an exercise bike in the living room for 30. WAY MORE. Ouch. To think I used to be on a bike more than I was off it when I was a kid.
Today marks a true milestone in my quest to be healthier - I have finally lost 10 pounds! Woo!
It feels like it took forever to get here, but I haven't just been dieting to lose weight - I've also been changing my eating habits, instituting an exercise habit, and basically doing this thing the right way. I'm eating a balanced diet, watching to make sure I get enough protein and fiber without going overboard on carbohydrates and fats - but I'm not doing low fat or low carb. I'm getting a good balance of everything.
I'm also exercising about 40 minutes per day Monday - Friday, and about 10 minutes per day on weekends, which is approximately a billion more minutes than I would previously have spent exercising in a week. (That may be a slight exaggeration.)
All of this work is resulting in a body that is slowly reshaping itself. I'm feeling slightly leaner, a bit tighter, and even a bit stronger. It took the scale a while to start reflecting these changes, but finally it is. And I'm down 10 pounds! It feels so good to be able to say that.
I'm so glad I finally got in the right mental place to do this. I feel so much better already! And hey, 10 down, only 67 to go! :D I just might be there by the end of the year. :)
I think I must be sick. Sparkpeople sent me an e-mail today about a challenge they're running in the month of May - a "Sweatsuit to Swimsuit Bootcamp" challenge, to be precise. Basically it's an exercise challenge. I'll be doing 30 minutes of cardio exercise five days a week, of my choosing, and then SEVEN days a week, I'll be doing short videos that they'll have posted on their website. The challenge is designed to jump start my diet and tone me up in time for swimsuit season.
Well, first of all, I will NOT be wearing a swimsuit any time soon. I want that down for the record.
But I liked the idea of seeing a larger drop on the scale by the end of May, and I liked the idea of seeing my measurements go down even more. So, even though I HATE exercising, I signed up.
I'm going to be much more fit by the end of May, that's for sure. :)
This challenge just seemed to be coming at the exact right time for me. The scale is not going down as fast as I would like at all. I've been doing this for something like 7 weeks now? And I haven't even lost 10 pounds. I'm not too disappointed, because I have lost some weight, and more importantly, I can feel a difference in my body (and I can see the difference in the numbers the tape measure is showing me, especially in my waist). But I'd like to get that number down, damn it. :)
So. I'll be riding the exercise bike, riding a real bike or walking five days a week. I'll be doing short exercise videos (using a resistance band, which I need to buy) seven days a week. And I'll be weighing in and measuring on May 30th, to see how I did. I'll let you know.
Work is being VERY ANNOYING this week, and I'm seriously losing all patience, so I'm going to take a short break from it and blather on in here. I hope you don't mind. :)
So, I'm continuing with the use of SparkPeople in my quest to lose a bunch of weight. I'm discovering more aspects of the site all the time, and I'm still loving it so much. I feel like, after years of eating whatever the heck I wanted, I had forgotten how a person is supposed to eat. The nutrition tracker is helping me remember. You mean I don't need to eat 3,000 or 4,000 calories a day? Weird. And I can't survive on junk food, at least not well? That's good information, thanks. :)
Okay, that was a little sarcastic, but seriously, I had forgotten how much I actually needed to eat, and tracking my food has helped me figure out not only how to get down to the right amount of calories, but also how to monitor the quality of the foods I eat. I came into this doing fine with my carbohydrate and fat intake, but wow, have I ever had a hard time getting enough protein on a daily basis. So I'm figuring out ways to get more protein. Slowly but surely, I'm figuring out what I used to just know - I'm figuring out how to eat for health, not for a cheap immediate thrill.
Although I am still having one cheat day per week, and that isn't going to stop. If I don't have one day a week when I can have chocolate and chips and burgers and whatever else I want, without worrying about calories, I'll never last on this new healthier lifestyle.
And yes, that's what I consider this - a healthier lifestyle. I'm aiming to lose weight, yes, but mostly, I want to be healthier long-term. I want to live to a ripe old age, as free of disease as I can be. This is something my parents didn't get to do. I'd like to be different from them in this respect.
And okay, this is going to sound corny, and it's going to make Sarah want to puke, but the fact is, I lived alone, single, for 37 years. This was mostly due to my own personal problems and hang-ups, but finally, after that long, I realized I could let someone in and trust that he wouldn't break my heart, and that he wouldn't leave me. Two and a half years later, J and I are still together, we're engaged, and I love him with all of my heart (as I know he loves me). I found him later in life, and I treasure what we have all the more because of that. I know what it's like to be alone when I don't want to be. It was horrible, I hated every second of it. Now I have what I always dreamed of. We may not live long enough to get to a golden anniversary, but I want to get as close as I can. I want to grow old with him, and I want to be healthy enough to enjoy all of the years we have together.
(Sarah, you can stop gagging now, the mushy stuff is over. :)
Okay, this post just went in a whole direction that I wasn't prepared for, really. Long story short, I am loving taking control of my food intake and exercise for the first time in a long time. I'm loving watching the scale go down, even though it's making me work hard for every pound I lose. I sincerely hope that I can keep this up for the rest of my life - not just until I get to my goal weight of 140, but afterwards, to maintain my weight and to stay healthy.
(And I'll continue to look forward to cheat days every week.)
Okay, it's time to get back to work. Thanks for listening to me prattle on about lifestyle changes and weight. As a reward, here are some pictures to make you smile and maybe say "aww."
Rosie sure is a cutie. 
I love my Bernie more and more every day.
McDuff is the cutest little boy in the whole world. (And his birthday is this Saturday, woo! Happy Birthday Duff!)
This is one of J's favorite pictures of Willow. So this one is for him. :)
I seem to have decided that 2009 will be the year when I finally get a handle on my weight problem. We all know how diets work - they don't usually. But I'm not really on a diet. I'm not eating anything different, really (although I did substitute wheat bread for white on my lunch sandwiches at work). I'm still eating chips. I haven't had any chocolate, but only because I don't have any (and I can't be trusted not to eat a whole bag of it if I do have it).
No, instead I found this website called sparkpeople, where I can track my food and exercise every day. And I like it. I like it a lot. Tracking every morsel of food that enters my mouth feeds some compulsive side of me. I like figuring out how many calories I'm going to be eating at work, and how much I'll have left to eat at night when I get home. I like to plan my dinners, so that I know if I can afford to have a small bag of chips or a piece of bread and butter afterwards.
It satisfies me, somehow. The act of entering all of my food items for the day fills the part of me that would otherwise be looking for junk food to snack on, even though I'm not hungry and don't need it. It may sound weird, but it's working.
Will I stick with it? Will I have the flat belly I dream of in some reasonable time frame? Heck, there are almost 9 months before the end of the year. Will I be at goal before 2010 gets here? I have no idea.
But for now, I'm enjoying tracking my numbers; the number of calories I eat, which have to be within the range I can eat and still lose weight and be healthy; the number of minutes I spend walking to and from lunch at work; the number of minutes I spend on J's exercise bike at night. So many numbers. I like them.
It's fun to have a new (healthy) thing over which to obsess.
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