Mind Dumping

Hunting season has begun, and no, I'm not talking about all of the people who go hunt deer at this time of year. Nope, the hunting I'm talking about concerns mice, and Sable has declared it open season on them, starting yesterday. She was playing with a little mouse in my dining room last night. I like when the cats kill mice, because they just don't belong in my house. But I also can't let them torture the poor creatures while I'm home and awake. So, I scooped it up in a paper cup and let it loose outside. It was probably going to die anyway, from the damage Sable had already done to it, but I just had to rescue the poor thing. If it lived, I hope it's not stupid enough to come back in. A house with five cats is not a safe place for a mouse.

So. Are you ready for a little relationship talk? Because I have something on my mind, and I need to get it out. It feels a little funny to talk about this stuff online, but so far I don't have many readers, and the ones I have are all very nice, cool people, so it doesn't feel as weird as it maybe should (although I'm kind of glad my sister never started reading, or any of her kids who know about this, either, because that would be a whole different thing). I've been dating J for about a month, now, I think? Pretty close, anyway. And everything has been going pretty well. We have a lot in common, and he pretty much worships the ground I walk on, which is always a good quality in a guy, right? But I'm getting to that point where I have always wanted to just cut and run before. He is SO into me, and it scares me.

And this whole thing is just me doing the old thing that I've always done in relationships - wanting to split as soon as the person started getting too close (or at the first sign of a problem). What is wrong with me? I don't want to be alone, and yet I seem to do everything I can to make myself that way. Maybe I need counseling.

So while I work this out in my head, I'm just maintaining the status quo with J - I'm not going to make any decisions out of fear that I will regret later.

And wow, thanks for listening to me while I work all of this stuff out, okay? It's good to have this space to write about this stuff, so that I can get it out of my head. And I'm REALLY glad I never told him about this blog.