On Dreams

For some reason I was just thinking about dreams. Not the kind that come to you at night while you're sleeping, but the kind you have for yourself and your future. I've had so many dreams since I was a kid. I've wanted to be a writer. That's the only one that has pretty much stayed around my whole life. I seem to have given up on it, but the thought is still there as a pleasant day dream in the back of my mind.

I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was younger, but I didn't think I could handle having to put the animals to sleep when they were sick. Now I think I could handle that fine (I cremated animals for nine months in a part-time job - I've gotten over my issue with that), but I don't think I could handle the anatomy classes to get the degree, and if I somehow got it, I don't think I could deal with the people who don't take care of their animals properly, or who abuse them or who abandon them. My heart aches for animals in a way that I just can't really describe, but that other animal lovers will understand immediately.

As an off-shoot of that dream, when I was older I started wanting to be a vet tech. I'd still have the same issue with the anatomy classes, though.

My friend Sally and I have shared a dream of someday running a boarding facility for dogs and cats. It would be different than most, though. It would have music for them to listen to, and couches for them to lay on, and animal beds, and they'd get walked at least twice a day (the dogs, anyway - the cats would get played with). It would be great, because I'd be getting paid to pay attention to and take care of animals all day - something I do for free right now when I'm at home.

And suddenly I'm realizing that of my first four dreams, three of them have to do with caring for animals. So how did I end up in marketing? Hmmm.

Career dreams aside, I've also always dreamt of finding the man that I would love with all of my heart, who would love me with all of his. We would fit together perfectly. He would come up behind me when I was doing the dishes, and he'd hug me to him or kiss my neck. I'd walk up behind him when he was on the couch or in a chair, and kiss his head and rub his back. This dream actually came true. :)

Since I became a very broke person some years ago (a situation which I am working to change, but it's a slow process), I've dreamed about winning the lottery. We all dream that, though, don't we? What we'd do with the money if we won. J says he would buy a private island somewhere and hide out there from the world and all the people who want to take his money. I just figured I would pay off all my bills, fix up my house, buy myself a new car, give some money to my friends and relatives, and then start helping with animal charities. Oh, and I'd never have a regular 9-5 type job again. Unless I got bored, and then I'd just work somewhere fun part-time, and donate the salary to someone who needed it. Or to the humane society.

Sometimes I dream of having an animal free day - no Willow growling at Rosebud, nobody getting into trash, nobody knocking anything over. No litter to scoop, no dogs to let out, nobody to feed. But then I think about how quiet my house would be, and after I had enjoyed that for a little while - say a day or two - it would be TOO quiet, you know? So I don't really dream of that often. Although I do dream about Willow suddenly deciding to like Rosebud, or at least to not feel the need to growl at her all the time. That would be nice.

I guess now, I mostly just dream about a day when I won't have to worry about money so much. When I'll have some money in the bank, and the worst of my debt will be gone, and I won't have to panic if my car suddenly needs repairs or something. And I dream of being happy on the days when I'm down. And I dream of peace and harmony for all people and animals everywhere. And I appreciate being happy when I am. And I appreciate the smiling face of J, and chatting with Sarah, and seeing Jamie and Jen at lunch, and e-mailing Sally to find out what's going on with her. And I appreciate my sister and her family. And I appreciate my dogs and my cats - every single four legged furry creature in my house (and yes, when I say my dogs, I'm including J's dogs - they all four belong to both of us now. But the cats only belong to me).

And I appreciate the dreams that I have, and I wonder where the older dreams went, and I'm happy for the ones that have actually come true.