Notes

Dear Rosebud,

Please don't start whining 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. It makes me cranky.

Thanks,

The woman who scratches behind your ears the way you like during poop loving time



Dear SUV Driver,

Please don't pull out in front of me, when there isn't anyone behind me! And especially don't pull out in front of me and then proceed to go 10-15 miles BELOW the speed limit. You're a fuck head, and I hate you.

Sincerely,

The pissed off woman in the red car behind you



Dear Canadian Geese,

Please don't hang out in the road with your teenaged babies. I don't mind stopping for you, but when I go around you and you're still walking down the road, it makes me nervous that the next car won't stop, and I don't want any of your family members to die. I like you. So please, go back to the water or hang out in the fields.

Thanks,

The woman who likes birds and doesn't want them to get hit in the road



Dear J,

I miss you. I can't wait to see you when I get home this afternoon. If this mood I'm in doesn't go away, I may need you to give me a back rub or something, okay?

I love you,

Dede



Dear work computer,

Please start up when I turn you on. I need to clock in online, and if you take forever to start up, then I take the risk of maybe clocking in late. I don't want to lose money because you decide to update yourself first thing in the morning. Stop being an annoying fuck.

Thanks,

The girl who pounds your keys all day



Dear Febreze,

Thanks for stopping my flip-flops from stinking. You rock.

Signed,

The woman who doesn't fear slipping her shoes off at work anymore



Dear willpower,

Please come back. I miss you.

Sincerely,

The woman who doesn't want to gain back all of the weight she lost


Okay, notes over. Bye!