So, J is out of town, and will be for two more days. Which sucks, because I am missing him horribly. But something else happened this morning that made me miss him even more.
The two of us have an arrangement. I hate spiders - he hates snakes. So he kills spiders for me, and if any snakes show up, I have his back with those. No problem - snakes don't bother me at all. And I definitely have the best part of this deal, because he has to kill a LOT of spiders, but we haven't seen so much as a single snake all year.
Well. That arrangement works great when he's there. But when he's NOT there, it kind of sucks. Like this morning. Let me paint a picture for you here, in prose.
The alarm rang this morning at 6:30, ripping me from my slumber. I lay there for ten more minutes, sort of snoozing and just enjoying the last bit of time I had to lay in bed. Then the alarm went off again at 6:40, and I did my morning stretch, said good morning to the dogs and got out of bed.
Ten minutes later, the cat litter has been scooped, the dogs have been out and in and fed, the cats have had their morning treats and I've scooped up my wardrobe for the day and carried it into the bathroom. I sit down on the throne to take care of my morning business, opening my card for the day from J at the same time, and then petting Willow, who is sitting in front of me for what J calls "poop loving." Then I look over to my left. There, right on the front of the cabinet under the sink, no more than six inches from me, is a huge fucking spider.
Oh my god! I'm kind of not in a position to get up at that moment, but I swivel to the right so I'm as far away from it as possible, and panic and shove Bernie away when he comes too close to it - what if it got on his fur! Ugh! The toilet paper is right there, and it's reachable, but it's just too big to smush! The thing's body is one of those big, round ones, and I just can't bring myself to smush it with only some toilet tissue between it and my hand. So I "pinch things off," so to speak, jump up with pajama pants at my ankles, and shuffle out to the dining room to get the vacuum cleaner. I unplug the radio and plug in the vacuum, pull out the hose and suck that thing up. It's so big that it makes a noise when it hits the hose. I shudder and stick the hose back in the vacuum, then shut it off. Then I turn it on again for a few seconds, just to make sure it got all the way down into the bag, where it can hopefully die a painful, dust filled lung type of death.
Then I finish my business, get in the shower, and finish getting ready, looking around in a paranoid manner the whole time, in case it had a spouse or twin or something that feels the need to look for revenge.
I need J back right now. He's got spider killing duties to attend to.
(Plus I need a hug and a kiss and I need to see his beautiful blue eyes. But those of you who aren't J can ignore that last sentence. :))
Less noise, more me
1 week ago
Posts
4 comments:
Ohmygod Denise, I am dying here!!! You need to put up a "you will laugh, and possibly choke" warning when you write thinks like "poop loving" and "pinch things off"!!!!!
*wiping away my tears*
:) I'm so glad my trauma made you laugh! That was my goal. LOL
My dogs always want to cuddle when I'm sitting on the john. At least NOW I can refer to it as "poop loving". It is also comforting to know that my dogs aren't the only ones who demand attention when I'm on the pot.
Also, thanks for agreeing to hang out with me if I end up in Syracuse. I really appreciate it. And, my dogs? Yeah, they are my four legged support team, and there is no way I’d consider relocating (even temporarily) without them. Does Rosebud, Duff, Willow, Bernie and/or Dale need any new friends? Because Gypsy Kitty and Haskell LOVE other dogs (and kitties, too), and would love to play with anyone (or anything really) who will engage them. We could have a canine playgroup or something… ;)
Hi Deals!
Poop loving is something all dogs want, apparently! :)
And Bernie would LOVE a doggy playdate. He loves other dogs and wants to play with him, but Willow hates other dogs and J's dogs are too small for him to really play with. But Bernie and I would love to have a doggy play date. :)
Post a Comment