Antsy. Bored. Hungry to devour all junk food before August arrives and brings with it 1200-1550 calorie days. Wanting to both stop time and fast forward it. Wanting to hug my J. Wanting to just be with my J. Wanting to hug our Duff. And then to hug Willow, Bernie, Rosie and all the kitties, too.
Wishing. Wanting. Needing. Desiring. Knowing this makes sense to no one else, but needing to say it anyway.
I just had an idea. An idea that will probably turn out to be more than I can bear. An idea that even as I'm getting ready to write about it, I'm wondering if I can even make it past day one.
You see, I clicked a link to Thirty Days of [Blank]. Basically, you choose one thing that you'd like to make a habit, and you do it for 30 days - starting Saturday, August 1st. My immediate thought, and the one I want to do but don't know if I can? This needs its own paragraph, so here it is:
Do I dare, can I possibly, go 30 days staying in my calorie limit? Can I go through the whole month of August without a cheat day? Can I go through the whole month of August working out at least three times per week?
Is this possible? The biggest question here: CAN I GO A WHOLE MONTH WITHOUT EATING AN ENTIRE BAG OF GOLDFISH EVERY SATURDAY AND/OR SUNDAY??????
I don't know. Thirty days is a long time to deny myself. But I spent almost the entire month of July eating anything I wanted - almost the entire month! So I think I'm going for it.
So. Starting this Saturday, August 1st, I will be tracking my food in sparkpeople's website - every single bite that goes in my mouth. I will try my hardest to not go over my calorie limit. And I will work out at least three days per week.
Now, this doesn't mean that I can't eat any junk food - it just means I have to plan for it by eating less the rest of the day. I've denied myself chocolate for 40 days before, and I don't aim to repeat that experience. No, thanks, I like my Hershey bars too much. But still - 1200 to 1550 calories per day, for 30 days in a row.
August should be a fun month. Oy.
*****
In other news, we have bad health news on McDuff. I don't want to talk too much about it, because it both makes me too sad, and it feels like it's more J's story than mine, since Duff is his dog - even though I couldn't love Duff anymore than I do, I don't think. He's such a cutie, and a sweetie.
He was diagnosed with lymphoma. We're medicating him to keep his symptoms in check, but he won't be with us a lot longer. I'm trying not to focus on that, though - I'm just planning on enjoying every day we get with him. He's a good boy.
Oh, oops. Did I fall asleep while writing that title? I guess it must be because writing the name Annie Hall reminded me of watching it last night. That movie is so boring! I have to admit, I've never liked Woody Allen - I just don't get why people think he is funny. But this movie won the Best Picture Oscar in 1977, so it was on my Netflix list, and last night was when J and I sat down to watch it.
Three minutes in, I was ready to shut it off and have this be the one winning movie that I didn't bother to watch. If I had been watching it alone, instead of with J, I would have done just that (or played the Sims while it was on, and barely paid attention).
Why do people like this humor? Why did this movie win? I like Diane Keaton a lot, and even she couldn't save it! Neither could seeing Paul Simon, Jeff Goldblum and Christopher Walken in it! Wow, the boredom. The DVD messed up near the end and sent us directly to the credits - I was relieved to be done! And then when J figured out that we had missed some scenes, I just couldn't believe that I had to sit there and watch more. Groan.
There were good movies nominated that year, too. Of the four other nominated movies, I had seen two - The Goodbye Girl and, of course, Star Wars. I would have been happy for either of those to win.
So glad that's over. Stupid Woody Allen. (And if you're a fan and you're reading this, I apologize for insulting him, but he just bores me to tears.)
I misbehaved on vacation - but it's vacation! I was enjoying myself, so I didn't care. Then the next Monday came, and I went back to work, sure that I would jump right on the diet wagon. Uh, I didn't. Oops.
I felt my middle getting thicker. I felt my body telling me to stop. But I kept eating.
But today is a new day! I am back on that diet wagon, and so far so good. The struggle to lose weight is a constant battle, and I can jump off the wagon sometimes, as long as I jump back on before too long.
****
I just googled the name of a girl I was best friends with in 5th and 6th grade, and found her on facebook. I saw her picture, and it took my mind a few moments to adjust - I last saw her when we were about 12, so I had never seen her adult face. I sent her a friend request, and it's nice to just find out that she's still out there existing. The Internet is an amazing thing sometimes.
Of course, I immediately googled a couple of my other old friends, but found nothing. But if she's out there, then they are too, somewhere. I'll keep searching, and maybe someday I'll find them.
****
On Friday night J took me to see Buddy Guy in concert. He's an old blues musician, and he put on amazing show! I loved every second of it, and only wish he had played longer. I got some amazing pictures, too (which are all on my other laptop, and therefore not accessible right now).
****
Okay, that's all from my fat feeling self. Happy Monday, people!
In all fairness to the people who made my first birthday cake - the horrible one that got thrown away, and put a huge damper on my birthday - I have to say that the manager felt so bad about the cake being bad that she not only approved me getting J's money back, but she also had the bakers make me a second cake, at no charge.
And this time, the baker hit it out of the park. This cake is amazing,. Seriously. So freaking good. If the cake I got last week had been this good, I would have had a much better birthday. Yum.
Dear Rosebud,
Please don't start whining 20 minutes before my alarm goes off. It makes me cranky.
Thanks,
The woman who scratches behind your ears the way you like during poop loving time
Dear SUV Driver,
Please don't pull out in front of me, when there isn't anyone behind me! And especially don't pull out in front of me and then proceed to go 10-15 miles BELOW the speed limit. You're a fuck head, and I hate you.
Sincerely,
The pissed off woman in the red car behind you
Dear Canadian Geese,
Please don't hang out in the road with your teenaged babies. I don't mind stopping for you, but when I go around you and you're still walking down the road, it makes me nervous that the next car won't stop, and I don't want any of your family members to die. I like you. So please, go back to the water or hang out in the fields.
Thanks,
The woman who likes birds and doesn't want them to get hit in the road
Dear J,
I miss you. I can't wait to see you when I get home this afternoon. If this mood I'm in doesn't go away, I may need you to give me a back rub or something, okay?
I love you,
Dede
Dear work computer,
Please start up when I turn you on. I need to clock in online, and if you take forever to start up, then I take the risk of maybe clocking in late. I don't want to lose money because you decide to update yourself first thing in the morning. Stop being an annoying fuck.
Thanks,
The girl who pounds your keys all day
Dear Febreze,
Thanks for stopping my flip-flops from stinking. You rock.
Signed,
The woman who doesn't fear slipping her shoes off at work anymore
Dear willpower,
Please come back. I miss you.
Sincerely,
The woman who doesn't want to gain back all of the weight she lost
Okay, notes over. Bye!
We've had a fairly cool, wet summer. People are having trouble getting their gardens mature enough to get their veggies. We put the ACs in the windows weeks ago and haven't had to run them once.
And tonight I was driving home, and saw orange and yellow leaves on a tree. The leaves are turning! What the heck? It's July!
It's a weird summer.
Also, tonight is the premiere of Hell's Kitchen, woo! You know where J and I are going to be in 19 minutes - sitting with our butts planted on the futon, meeting all of this year's contestants. We love that show.
Later, people!
My last day of vacation. :( It's okay, though, it's been a great one!
Today was pretty low key - we didn't leave the house at all, except for a trip I made to get us dinner. I got up, watched a DVD, read a little of my book, and then when J got up, I took all of the books out of the bookcase in the bedroom, moved the shelf to the living room, and arranged the books all in alphabetical order. It looks great now, and I love that the books are A. in the same area, and B. in alpha order so that I can find them when I want them.
Doesn't it look nice? I keep looking over there just to look at it. :)
Of course, you can't just arrange bookcases and not clean the rest of the room, so I vacuumed, dusted, rearranged pictures on the walls, and decided I wanted my curtains to be tied back, so I crocheted up six tiebacks and hung them up. The curtains look nice now, too.
By the time I got done, it was about 4:30! This day went by so fast! I love the looks of the living room now, though, so I don't mind.
Bernie seems to like the new book corner - so does Lucy. :)
The top of my computer tower, which holds a bunch of little toys - and my new Binghamton Mets baseball. :)
No update yesterday, because by the time we got back from the baseball game, it was after Midnight, and I was tired. So here's a catch-up entry.
It was raining when we left home yesterday to go to the game, and it was still sprinkling when we got there, but it was supposed to clear up, so we weren't really bothered. We got our food ($1 hot dogs for J, a cheeseburger for me, and we shared some fries), ate it, and went out to our seats. We were right behind home plate! How cool is that?
This picture shows them rolling the tarp off the field - they had it covered because of the rain.
Before the game, the mascots came around and high fived everyone sitting or standing up front, including us. :) The black and yellow one is Buddy, the official mascot of the Binghamton Mets.
The game was a lot of fun. I've never been a baseball fan, but as seems true with all sports, it's much more fun if you're there in person, instead of watching on TV. We saw a grand slam! It was pretty exciting.
We didn't stay for the whole game - they got started late, and we had an almost two hour drive home, so we left at about 10:45, when they were in the 7th inning. The Mets ended up winning, which is cool, and I had a lot of fun. It felt like a really nice birthday treat (since it turned into my birthday while we were on the way home).
I'm glad we had such a good time last night. And this morning it was my birthday! I turn 40 today. I'm not upset about the number at all - I don't care what age I am, as long as I feel good, and since those headaches have finally gone away, I feel fine.
I got up before J today, so I relaxed for a while until he got up, and then we cut into my birthday cake for lunch. :P
It's pretty, isn't it? Yup. Unfortunately, when I cut into it, the cake was white, instead of marble. And that would have been okay, but it was also HORRIBLE. I don't know what went wrong - I ordered the cake from the same place that has made my cakes for the last two years (at my work), and those were amazing. This one, though, was dense and chewy and disgusting. J and I each ate one piece, but the rest of it is going in the trash. It was really disappointing. I even e-mailed the director of food services as soon as I finished my piece, to complain, and I'm going to make sure to get J's money back.
So, that kind of ruined the morning, you know? But J offered to do whatever he could to make it better, which was very nice. So we went shopping and got groceries, and we picked up a marble cake mix and a can of chocolate frosting, so I could have a replacement cake.
Unfortunately, J's kidney stone and stent are bothering him a lot today, so we haven't really done much else. We may go out to dinner if he gets up feeling better.
There have been nice things about today, though. I've gotten to spend a little bit of time with J, before he went back to bed in pain. I got a birthday card from my Aunt, who I never hear from, so that was a nice surprise. I got an Amazon gift card from Sally (thanks, Sally), and I've gotten a lot of nice birthday wishes from my friends, both online and in real life. It's all good stuff, really. And while I wait to find out if J feels up to going out to dinner, I'm sitting here reading a book and playing the Sims. Oh, and I frosted my replacement cake.
I stole the roses from the old cake - the frosting was fine, it was just the cake that was bad. I don't have any tubes of icing to use to write on this one, but that doesn't matter - at least I have a decent cake, that is so soft and moist that the top layer broke down the middle as I was putting it on the bottom layer. I tried to tell it I wasn't really broken hearted, and didn't need the obvious symbolism, but it was just so moist and fresh it broke anyway. Hee.
And meanwhile, Rosebud is here to remind me that today really isn't ALL about me.
Rosebud: "Hey, you, it's dinner time. I need food. Can't you tell that I'm starving? Feed me!"
Edited to add: J got up and was feeling well enough, so we went to dinner, and now my whole day feels better. I just needed one more thing to go well, and dinner did. Thanks, J. :)
Now, I'll let my piece of lasagna and garlic bread settle, and then...replacement birthday cake! Yum. :)
We just had the most fun we've had all day - maybe even all vacation! We just watched Smokey and the Bandit on DVD. Oh man, I love that movie. It's so fun!
We also took Duff back to the vet today - his neck has been swelling back up. They took blood to test, and said he had edema, which is basically his tissue holding onto fluids. So they have to find out why. Think good thoughts for him, would you?
Tomorrow we're going to pick up my birthday cake (mmm, cake) and we're going to a baseball game - the first game I'll ever go to! It should be a lot of fun.
Oh and yesterday we went mini golfing, got some great pizza (Cicilian pizza for me, the first time I had ever had it, and I LOVED it), and we used that $50 gift certificate to get us some free steaks. You can't beat that!
And now I'm going to go. Woo, vacation!
Exhausted. Need to go to bed. Have a cute picture of Duff, and I'll be back tomorrow. :)
All in all, today was a really great day.
This morning I had an appointment with my doctor about my headaches. I described everything that had been happening over the last week, the shooting pains, the overall headaches, the nausea one night, and she said she thought they were elements of a migraine (or words to those effect) and she gave me a prescription for a migraine medication. I took one once I got home, and waited to see if it would work (because of course I already had a headache before I went to the doctor). And what do you know? It worked! I've been headache free since about Noon, and it feels pretty darn amazing.
Being headache free made it possible to have a good day today, too. We went to Red Robin for lunch with J's parents, which was a lot of fun. I really like his parents - all of his family, really. We had great burgers, and talked to his parents, and I got gifts! They gave me a Pink Panther watch, which of course I love, and they also gave me a card with $50 in it! Woo! I love birthday money.
After lunch, J and I went to Home Depot so that he could spend his birthday money on a work bench, but the Home Depot we went to didn't have one. So we ended up at Lowe's - where he found a great one! So it was a successful outing.
When we were done shopping, we came home to find a sick Duff - his throat was swollen again. :( But J gave him another Benadryl, and now he's looking much better. Poor little Duff. I'm glad he seems to be getting better again, but I really wish he would stop swelling up.
We spent the next few hours relaxing. I caught up with online stuff, J watched TV and napped, and I played the Sims and read (at the same time - I'm a great multi-tasker). Then we went to get ice cream! We took Duff with us, and they even gave him a doggie dish of soft serve vanilla, complete with a Milk Bone! Too cute and it made me wish I had brought my camera. :)
Yes, all in all, this was the perfect vacation day. Woo! I love vacation!
Tomorrow we're planning on maybe going to play mini-golf and then we're planning on using our $50 steak house gift certificate - the one I won almost a year ago. You've gotta love free steak.
I look forward to our vacation week every year. It's a great week. :)
This morning I woke up and didn't have any head pain - it was miraculous! I felt cured! J and I spent a relaxing morning doing our own things, and then we went to KFC for lunch, and then to Walmart so that J could get an oil change in his car. By the time we were done walking around Walmart, my head was hurting again, and I was exhausted. It wasn't the same pain - no shooting pain - just a regular headache. But, following six days of headaches, it was enough for me to actually call the doctor's office and make an appointment. I go in at 10:15 tomorrow. Blah. (And now, at 9:18 p.m., the headache is still hanging around, making me feel worn out and less than normal.)
There was one good phone call before that, though - I ordered my birthday cake, woo! I love birthday cake.
Bedtime. Tired. Today was a good day, though. J and I had the whole day together, which was really nice. We watched a movie (Midnight Cowboy, from 1969 - it won the Oscar, but J and I were both disappointed), we went to Denny's for lunch, we got groceries. The lawn was mowed, relaxation was had - it was good.
I'm going to be calling the doctor tomorrow to make an appointment, though. I am still having the shooting pains. I didn't take any Advil this morning, and the pains pretty much happened all morning. They took a break in the afternoon, but came back in the early evening - which seems to be their pattern. So I need to go get it checked out. I'm not too worried about it, but I'm hoping they can tell me why the pains are coming, and help me get rid of them. We'll see.
Oh, and tonight I got some Sims time, and I created a much more accurate Sim version of myself. J and I were both happy with her - she's about as close as I'll ever be able to get, I think. I need to create J, too, but it's too late and I'm too tired. That will be a project for tomorrow or later this week.
Okay, I'm off to bed. Good night, all!
What a great way to start a vacation! I slept in until almost 7:00, which shouldn't seem like "sleeping in," but when you have dogs (Rosebud) who like to get up at 5:30, it feels pretty darn late.
I had plans to go to the movies with Sarah today, to see My Sister's Keeper, but I got to spend some time relaxing first, which was nice. The ice pick headache started again once I got up, but I took some Advil and knocked it back out. And then I felt good enough that I actually did a workout DVD (yoga/Pilates combo from the Crunch series)! It's the first time I worked out in a week, because I'd been feeling so bad, so it felt good to get my muscles moving again.
So we went to the movie, and it was pretty good. I never like movies based on books if I've already read the books, though. I spent the whole time comparing it to the book in my head, and of course the movie didn't match up. But it was a decent movie, I guess. And of course seeing it with Sarah was fun. We went to Friendly's and had ice cream sundaes after, yum. And she treated me for my birthday! Thanks, Sarah!
Other than that, I got some of my regular Saturday stuff done - laundry, dishes. And J got home earlier than scheduled, so our vacation together has officially started! We kicked it off with sandwiches from Jrecks, so our eating vacation is off to a great start. :)
My three day headache seems to finally be gone. I'm being cautious in my optimism, but I think it may have left the building. Woo! And of course, right after I typed that I felt a small twinge in my right temple, but this twinge pales in comparison to the pain I was having yesterday, so I'm still optimistic.
The question now is, what the heck was going on? I'm wondering if this may be the start of migraines? My Mom used to suffer from them - I remember her going into a dark room with an ice pack to put on her head, leaving me with the strict admonition to be QUIET. Or maybe it was a hormonal thing - a new, extra special symptom of PMS. I don't know. All I know for sure is that it felt amazing to be headache free today (it was still kicking this morning, but I took three Advil, and that, combined with the long night of good sleep I got may have been the magic ticket to kick its butt).
So there's some good news. The other good news is that my vacation starts in 40 minutes, woo! I love vacation so very much.
Okay, people, I'm off to do things. Have a great Friday afternoon!
My vacation is so close! And it's a good thing, because for some reason I am feeling so stressed right now. Work is insane this week, because of orientation. Since Tuesday night I have been having what is apparently called "ice pick headaches," which is basically shooting pains in my right temple. They come, last about three or four seconds, and leave. The pain is swift and strong and goes pretty quickly, but it's like a lightning strike (or an ice pick strike, I guess) that just keeps coming over and over again, so it's rather disturbing and painful. I'm actually thinking of going to the doctor about them, and I HATE going to the doctor.
Add in all the stupid ways in which people can get on your nerves (and for some reason today there seem to be many people doing this), and I am just more ready for vacation than ever.
Only one more day to go! Sigh.
In other news, this picture is currently on my work desktop. It's not a great picture, but it sure is making me laugh whenever I look at it. Duff just looks so perturbed at having Willow sitting on top of him, practically. :D
I still have two more days to work before I go on vacation, and I have enough work to do that both of those days will be fairly busy. And yet, my brain is trying to leave early. It's trying to set an out of office message, like so:
"We're sorry, but Denise's brain has left for vacation. Said brain will return to work on or about Tuesday, July 21st (one day after her body). Her brain will respond to all work requests at that time. Thank you."
I'm having to really concentrate to keep that message from playing every time someone e-mails me or talks to me with something they need done.
Must fight vacation brain! At least until Friday at 4:00!
J and I are taking vacation together next week, woo! We're not going anywhere, but you know what? Relaxing at home together is enough. It's going to be great.
So, last night I wrote up a vacation to do list on our white board calendar, and I thought I'd share it with you. Ready? Okay, here goes.
1. Go to Red Robin with J's parents on Tuesday
2. Go to steak house to use the gift certificate I won last year
3. Go to Quack's (a local diner) to use my birthday month coupon
4. Go get soft serve ice cream (yum)
5. Go to baseball game?
6. Go mini golfing?
7. Have birthday cake!!
8. Go to Home Depot
9. Go to movies with Sarah (me, not J)
A little explanation of each: 1. it's become an annual tradition to go out to lunch with his parents during our vacation. Any tradition involving me getting a free hamburger is one I highly encourage (free because his Dad always pays, which is very nice of him); 2. Self-explanatory, really. The steak house is quite a ways away from us, and it has never worked to go. But while we're on vacation we have the time, so free food, woo!; 3. More food! Love it; 4. summer is synonymous with soft serve ice cream, isn't it?; 5. this one isn't happening - the local team doesn't have any home games that week. But it's okay, we'll just go some other time; 6. maybe! It's fun; 7. The best part of birthdays, apart from the gifts, and I already got those, so woo! Cake!; 8. J is finally going to spend his birthday money to buy himself a work bench. All men should have one of those, right?; 9. I asked Sarah if she wants to go see this, because J definitely won't want to, and neither does her husband. And we've both read the book, and I want to see it. I'm hoping we'll go this Saturday (I need to finalize this with her, though).
So, yes. A vacation centered around food. :D There are worse things! And any vacation that ends with my birthday is one I will always love.
(The diet will resume on the 20th, by the way, although I will try to not go completely overboard on a daily basis.)
Great news! Tonight when I got home, McDuff was running around full of energy, his lump completely gone. Woo! J took him to his regular vet this morning, of course, and was told that since the swelling has gone completely down in just half a day, it was most likely an allergic reaction, and he should be fine with just a few more doses of Benadryl (half a pill, so that it doesn't knock him completely out).
This is SUCH great news. I was already missing having Duff act like his normal self.
Also, the vet said it could be something as simple as a spider bite. Blech. Another reason to hate those 8 legged things.
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