Worried

Last night I walked out to the kitchen, and Gracie was laying on her back in the dining room chair that sits under the picture window (the one she and Zelda are sitting in up there). So of course I walked over and scratched her belly, because how could I resist? And while I was petting her, I felt a mass in her abdomen. It's down low, about where her spaying incision was, and it's fairly large - a little smaller than a golf ball, I guess.

So now I'm worried about her again. I love all of my animals, and I hate having to start thinking about losing any of them. I love Gracie, and we've just been through so much with her leg, that it seems really unfair that now I have to be worrying about her possibly having cancer or something. I've had a lot of animals who have had cancer, and I've lost every single one of them. Gracie is only 7 1/2 - I'm not ready to even think about that with her, and yet here I am, worried about losing her.

And of course I'm worried about money, too. I was so excited yesterday, because I was going to be able to pay off the vet bill and my dentist bill and a couple of other bills are gone, and I was going to be able to actually contribute some money towards the house! And I'd still have money left over to spend on myself, which I'm never able to do! And now I have the knowledge of this future vet bill hanging over my head. If it turns out to be cancer, I won't go to extreme measures to try to save her. I'll pay for them to remove the mass, if it's operable, but I won't do anything else. Still, just a blood test (which I'm assuming they'll have to do) and an exam and maybe x-rays and then possibly surgery are going to take all of my extra money once again.

I guess I'm just never supposed to have cash in my pocket at any time. It's just not meant for me.

Okay, money aside, send me good thoughts about Gracie, would you? I need all the good thoughts I can get right now, because I'm not feeling any in my own head.

(Also, the money that I was expecting to show up yesterday still hasn't. I called them, and they said they sent it to the bank yesterday. So why the fuck isn't it in my account? Stupid effing bank.)

Good and Bad Things

Good Things
I got my economic stimulus check from the government yesterday. Woo! They took out the little bit of money that I still owed from my taxes from 2006 and 2007, but I still have a respectable amount left.

I called the vet's office this morning and told them I had found the copy of my first bill for taking in Gracie with her broken leg - the one that said there was no charge for the recheck office visits (they charged me $25 each for her last two visits). Once they knew I had the proof of that statement in my hands, they took the $50 off my bill without even making me fax it to them. The girl was so nice that I almost decided to give them a second chance at taking care of my animals. And then I remembered the half an hour drive to get there, and how they treated me her last two visits (not the vets, who were always great, but the office staff), and I said screw them. I'm trying the people down the road when I take Bernie and/or Willow to the vet next week (they both have dirty ears, and probably ear infections).

I have a yearly (small) payout from an old account that is supposed to show up on or about July 1st every year. It hadn't shown up in my account as of this morning, so I called to check on it, and was told it was in processing, and would be in my account today. This money will enable me to pay my school taxes and my homeowner's insurance and (combined with the economic stimulus money) will enable me to pay off the vet and my dentist this month. Less bills, yay!

I got up and exercised this morning. I took it easy on the aerobic part, because my calf is still sore, but I still felt like I got a decent workout.

I measured my waist after my workout, and it was 1 1/2 inches smaller than it was in early May. Woohoo!

I bought two more quarts of strawberries today. One more batch of strawberry shortcake before the end of the season! Excellent.

J will be home with me tonight. His coworker is on vacation, so he's working a LOT. But he'll be home tonight, which makes me happy.

Bad Things

It's now almost 3:00, and that money I spoke of earlier, that is supposed to show up in my account today? Isn't here yet. Did the guy mean it would show up at 11:59 p.m.?

I went to the bank during lunch to deposit my economic stimulus check, and got $20 cash back. They put a hold on $20 that I had in my account, so now it only shows me having $8 in there (I guess they don't trust a government check?). I have to wait to get gas now until the check shows up in my balance. I have less than an eighth of a tank. Sigh. (So close to having so much money, but for right now I'm cash poor.) (Also, I long for the days when $8 would almost fill my tank - they weren't that long ago!)

I stopped at Subway on my way back to work and got a turkey sub for lunch. Healthy, but I got a whole one instead of a half. I need help - I can't help over ordering if I'm eating by myself.

(I also ate a Hershey's candy bar. I seem to be having a weak self-control day.)


I think I'm out of things. Which is good, because this entry is long enough. Sometimes I talk too much.

Nablopomo and other news

I signed up to post every day in July. Woo! :) I'll try to remember to post at least a small entry every day, even when I'm on vacation in two weeks for my birthday.

Have I mentioned here yet that my birthday is two weeks from Friday? Because it is. I love my birthday, so I'm very much looking forward to that day. J and I will both be on vacation (not going anywhere, just enjoying not being at work), so it should be a really fun day.

So, I don't think I mentioned in my super long Saturday post that when I was exercising that morning, my calves started hurting a LOT. Like, so much that I had to keep stopping during the workout, they hurt so bad. So I've taken a few days off from working out, and I've realized that I need to start increasing the amount of protein I need to eat. My muscles are recovering slowly, and I think I'll be ready to start working out again tomorrow. I'm afraid to go too long without doing it, because it's just so easy to fall out of the habit! And I don't want to do that. I like that I'm starting to transform my body (slowly - if only it were a quicker process!).

Anyway. So that's really all I have to say for now. Just check back in here daily, or as often as you can, because I'll be here everyday now until the end of the month. And I'll leave you with some kitty pictures. :)


When Gracie was still in her crate, and I'd hold on to her and carry her through the house, the other cats acted like they had no idea who she was. Lucy, who had always acted as a Mom to Gracie and Zelda, hissed at her. I was afraid that they would never accept her again in quite the same way. I'm happy to say I was wrong. Even J, who isn't exactly a cat lover like me, called me in to show me how cute it was when he saw Lucy washing Gracie's head. :) I'm glad to see my girls sleeping all cuddled up together again.


My Sable is a beautiful, sweet little girl. Still skittish from her time as a stray, but so loving. She loves to snuggle up into my neck and rub her chin on my cheek. :) Also, please ignore my cluttered desk (and yes, that is the Sims on my desktop monitor behind her. Hee).

Blah

It's been a strange couple of days. Let's go in order, shall we?

Wednesday
I get home from work to find something leaking from under my car. After searching the Internet futiley in an attempt to find out what it could be, I called my brother-in-law and described it to him. He thought it might be a brake fluid leak, so he told me not to drive it. I arranged a ride into work on Thursday morning and left the key in the car where he could find it - he said he would come over on Thursday to take a look.

Thursday
Somehow, miraculously, I get up at 5:17 in the morning. I take care of the animals, I put on my workout gear (which at this point is just old pajamas, plus good sneakers), and I do my aerobics tape. In the morning! I was so proud of myself. I felt like it was the best exercise I had done since I started working out a week before. I did the whole tape, I only stopped a couple of times, and I felt like it was actually beneficial.

Then I got ready for work, early, and I sat in the living room and waited until my ride came to pick me up, which she did at about 7:15. And I had so much energy all morning! I was on fire, getting so much done, and I didn't really get tired until about 2:30 or so. Then I pretty much crashed that night.

When I got home, I had a message from my brother-in-law, telling me it had been a gas line leak. He has replaced the damaged section, and I owed him $7. Woo! Thanks, B-I-L.

That night J and I watched the new Futurama DVD, and I was so exhausted that I basically half slept through the end. Exercising in the morning made me feel great in the beginning of the day, but I was wiped out at the end!

Friday
My day off from exercising, so I slept until the normal time, then had an unremarkable workday. Well, unremarkable except that I got my yearly raise. Woo! I love that. Of course, it all went on bills, just like normal.

Friday afternoon/evening. J gets home, and we decide to put off getting groceries until Sunday, but, since it's cheat day (the one day per week when we can eat fattening stuff) how does pizza sound? Well, it sounds pretty freaking great, so I call in our order, put Willow in my car, and she and I go to get it.

We get there fine, I find a parking space not too horribly far away, and I pick up our pizza and cheese sticks. I go back to the car and get in, start her up, and start to drive home. I get just outside of the town where the pizza place is, and suddenly my car starts acting weird. I step on the gas pedal, and it doesn't accelerate. I can't get it past 35, and then when it does go past 35, it won't go past 45 at all, and when I come to a small hill, it won't make the top because it doesn't have any power. So I turn around and limp my way to a public ball park, where I park in their lot and call J to come get me. Then I call AAA to come tow my car away. Sigh.

J gets there while I'm on the phone with AAA, and once the arrangements are made (after a few phone calls to various places), we stand outside of the car and eat our cheese sticks, and J has some pizza (I didn't have any, because my stomach is a little upset from nerves - stupid car). The tow truck comes, it takes my little red car away, and J and I drive home, where I spend the evening in a funk, because who knows what's wrong with my car, or how much it's going to cost to fix it, and damn it! I was just going to have my first month where I'd be able to catch up. All of my little bills are going to be paid off, and I was going to actually be able to have some extra left at the end of the month to help with household things. And now the freaking car is broken down. I don't know why life has to work this way (or at least my life), but I hate it.

But J is really nice and comforting, which I really appreciate, and I'm feeling okay by the time we go to bed. (Thanks, J.)

Saturday morning
I'm here at home, waiting for the garage to call me to tell me what's wrong with my car and how much it's going to cost to fix it. I have about $90 in my checking account. What are the odds of it costing less than that? Pretty damn slim. My only ray of hope is that I'm supposed to be getting my economic stimulus check - here's hoping it comes today.

Update
I just got done working out, and I am covered and sweat and need a shower, but Rosebud is outside, so while I wait for her to come in, here's an update on the car.

The mechanic called when I was just starting my workout, and told me that my fuel pump was bad. It was going to cost me $362 plus labor and probably plus a fuel filter to get the car back on the road. Crap! I took that in, started my exercise tape back up, only to have him call back about five minutes after his first call. I had told him about my BIL replacing part of the fuel line, so he put the car up on the lift. My BIL had clamped off the fuel line and not taken the clamp off. My car is fine and the mechanic is only charging me $50 for his time.

Whew!

And how much do I trust this mechanic now? A less honest man would have charged me for the fuel pump anyway, but he didn't. Love it! So now I'm going to go shower, and since J is at work, I'm going to see if my sister can pick me up, take me to an ATM to get $50, and then take me to pick up my car. Yay! Thanks, honest repairman!

And now I must go shower. The sweat is annoying. Later!

Updates

So, I'm still exercising. I decided to do every other day until my body adjusted, so I've only actually done the workout three times, but I really do feel like I'm about ready to start doing it every day. Yesterday was my day off from working out, but in the middle of the afternoon I was very high energy and would have done it anyway, if I'd been home. Of course, by the time I got home from work, the urge had passed. :)

I think I want to try getting the workout in before work, though - it just depends on two things. One: can I get myself out of bed at 5:30 (no later, or I'll be late for work) to do it? Two: can I do it without bothering J, who would still be in bed sleeping at 5:30? Sure, I can turn the sound down on the TV, and I can not clap along when they do, but I'll still be bouncing around and gasping for air and stuff. I'll talk to him about it.

I've also been doing fairly well in eating less overall, and I've done really well in eating less junk food. I still have work to do in this area, though. Yesterday I was really good at lunchtime - they had cheese sticks at work, but I ate my turkey sandwich instead, and I had enough money to buy a candy bar, but I didn't. But then when I got home, I ate dinner without J, because he was at work, and I just can't be trusted to eat at home alone. I had some leftover angel hair pasta, which was fine, except that I took twice as much as I should have. Still, not too bad. But then I had two pieces of bread and butter. And an ice cream bar. And, since I forgot to put the bread back, and it was right in front of me, and I love bread, I had a piece (dry, no margarine). WAY too much food. So I'm going to try to do better with that today.

It's kind of frustrating, though. I know I've only done three workouts so far, and I know that muscles retain water for a while when you first start working out, but I can't help but be disapppointed that the scale not only doesn't show a loss, but it is still showing a gain. I wasn't letting it bother me, but now it kind of is. I don't expect miracles, but I would just like to see the number come down a little. Maybe it will start to once I'm working out every day (and when I get myself more in control at home at night).

In non-weight loss/exercise related news, my spider bite is still there. J said it looked a bit better last night. Also, when I went to bed last night, I checked my room over carefully looking for that spider. I checked the walls, the ceiling, the wall behind the bed, and of course I pulled back the sheet and looked there. There was no sign of the stupid thing. Sigh. Of course, that didn't stop me from dreaming about it last night (in my dream it was caught and killed).

Okay, that's all for now. Later, taters!

(Behind) My Left Knee

I discovered something unusual on the back of my left knee this morning. When I got out of the shower, it hurt to run the towel over it. It's kind of hard to see the back of my own knee, so I twisted my leg and craned my head and saw a circle of red, angry looking skin - a bump, really. I don't know why, but my mind instantly decided it might be a blood clot just under the skin.

I went to the bedroom, where J was just getting up (I knew this, because McDuff had started barking a minute before). I asked him to look at my leg. "It hurt when I ran my towel over the back of my leg, so I looked and saw this red bump, and it looked like a blood clot!" He told me of course it wasn't a blood clot, and took a look.

"It looks like a bug bite," he said. "It's raised up and red and there is a black dot in the middle of it." The s word may have been used, but I instantly cringed and shook my head. No, it can't be.

I came into work, and looked up "large bug bites" on Google. I found an exact description of my bump - it's a spider bite. Which means a spider was in my BED with me, while I was sleeping, crawling around on me. *shudder*

I'd almost rather it was a blood clot.

Beauty

This was the view of the hay field across the street while I was mowing the lawn today. It would be a better shot if I had finished mowing the lawn in front of me before I took the picture, but still. Sometimes the countryside around me just takes my breath away. There is beauty everywhere you look.

Strawberries!

This morning I drove to the farm stand and bought three quarts of the most delicious strawberries in the world. What makes them better than the ones in the store? Well, I don't know, but I think it's the fact that they get to ripen on the vine, before they're picked and carried to the stand, where I go and buy them. They aren't picked early, they aren't driven across the country in the back of a truck - they go directly from the field to the stand to my mouth. Mmm. I love them a lot. In fact, I think they may just be my favorite food in the world, made all the more special because they're only around for a short time in June. Yum yum yum.

So, before I drove to the farm stand, I got up this morning at about 8:00 (after a very weird dream) and took care of the dogs, and then I got myself ready and I worked out! I didn't do my exercise tape last night, because I was too sore and tired, but I think the rest did me good, because I did it this morning, and I am already much better. I stopped four times instead of the five times I stopped the first time, and I did the whole tape, whereas last time I didn't do the highest energy jumping around stuff. Also, I think I wasn't as close to dying in those four times that I stopped as I was the first time, so I really am getting better. (And actually, the first time I stopped was only for water - I didn't feel like I was dying yet at all.)

I'm really glad to be doing this workout thing again, too. I hate doing it, but I sure do love how I feel while I'm doing it and then after. I feel better about myself, I feel physically better and I feel stronger. It's a very rewarding thing. It's just too bad that usually the rewards are hard to see through the hatred.

Anyway. So I'm having a good day so far. I've got berries (one quart for eating and two for shortcake, yum), I worked out and feel good, and now I'm having a lunch of strawberries and Melba Toast and I'm starting to relax and play the Sims. I still need to vacuum and do some laundry and eventually I need to force myself to go out and mow the lawn, but for now I can relax. It's a good Saturday.

And tomorrow J will be home from work, and we're going to go to see
Get Smart, which I'm looking forward to, so all in all I think it is going to be a great weekend. I hope you all have great ones, too. And go eat some fresh strawberries if you can.

Oh, and I wanted to leave you with one more picture. Sorry about the weird angle, but you all know that while Gracie was wearing her cast, she was living in a dog crate. She spent three months in it, so you'd think now that she's free, she wouldn't want anything to do with the crate, right? Wrong. Check it out - sometimes she goes into Bernie's crate just to hang out (actually, so does Lucy).

Update to the Previous (see below)

I did it! I came home (after going to the dump to drop off the recyclables, only to find that they close at 3:00! What the heck), let the dogs out and in, fed them, changed my clothes and worked out. Woo! I did the beginner's aerobics tape that I mentioned - the Jane Fonda one - and I feel great! Of course, I had to stop five times, and I couldn't do all of the higher energy aerobics part (yes, I am that out of shape), but I did it! I sweated, I panted, Zelda and McDuff were all over me when I was doing the floor exercises (Zelda apparently likes the smell of sweat, and Duff was wondering why the heck I was on the floor and wanted to kiss me), and when I got done I had to take a shower so I would stop smelling.

But I did it. Woo! I'm going to be so sore tomorrow.

Girly Revisited

Yesterday I left work half an hour early to run some errands, one of which included going to Walmart to get cat litter, cat food and cat treats (I hate when they run out of everything in the same week). And while I was there, I finally bought a bottle of nail polish and some polish remover! So when I got home, after the dogs had been out and in and fed and the water dish had been refilled a couple of times, I painted my nails. Amazing!

I don't feel like taking pictures, and you probably don't care that much anyway, so I'll just tell you that the color I got is called Cocoa Motion (you'll find it in the browns, if you follow the link to see it), and it doesn't look nearly as purple on my nails as it looks on screen. I like it. Now I'm thinking I may have to buy some other colors, too.

And look at that, I really am a girl! :D

So this isn't a girly thing really, but while I was at Walmart I was also looking for a product that I used to eat years ago, but had forgotten all about, and I couldn't find it anywhere in that whole huge store. Do people still eat Melba Toast? Apparently people who shop at Walmart don't, but I did find it at P&C, woo! I'm trying to watch what I eat and maybe lose a few pounds before my birthday, and Melba Toast is a low calorie, low fat snack. It's dry and bland, but you know what? I like plain stuff, so I like it anyway.

Does eating Melba Toast mean I'm secretly an old woman? Because I swear, I'm only 38 (almost 39), and I don't feel old at all.

Also, I keep meaning to get out my old Jane Fonda aerobics tape, and I keep not doing it. Maybe tonight's the night. Leslie Lillian can sing to me while I curse her name under the breath that I won't have because I'm so out of shape.

It may or may not happen tonight, but I will be getting that tape out soon. I'm already doing better at not snacking so freaking much, so I'm getting there. I have a desire to be even more girly by starting to wear dresses and skirts again. The only problem is, I won't show my legs to anyone other than J right now. Sigh. I can do it, right? Yeah. I've done it before, so I know I have it in me to be good and lose the weight. And the one time I did successfully lose a significant amount of weight (40 pounds, which at the time put me down to a positively skinny size 4), I did this tape at least five days a week, so I know it works. I just hate exercising so much! (In fact at the time I was doing the hour long advanced portion of the tape. I couldn't last five minutes in that portion now.) Oh well.

I'll just keep the image of the girly skirts and dresses in my mind, and see if it gets me through.

Dear Joe Bonamassa

Dear Joe:

I am tired today. I'm just not built for staying up late and getting up early in the morning. I can do it, but not well. But you know what? It was worth it. You were great in concert last night.

When J told me that he was getting us tickets to see you in concert, I'll be honest here - I had never heard of you. But J has the best taste in music of anyone I know, so I knew if he liked you enough to want to see you live, then you would put on a great show. But, I wanted to be familiar with you, so I added you to my Pandora radio station, and what do you know? I found out that I had already given some of your songs a thumbs up without even knowing who you were. So I was already on my way to liking you - I just didn't know it.

(Also, Had To Cry Today just came on my Pandora while I was writing this. Cool, huh?)

So anyway, I found that in the time since I became aware of you, I was liking your stuff more and more, so I was really excited for your show. Of course, I would have been excited anyway, because I just love doing fun things with J, and I love how excited he gets about good music. But I was especially excited to see you live because I was liking your music so much.

I have to tell you, Joe - you did not disappoint. I'm no musician (I played flute from 4th - 8th grade, but that's as close as I ever came to that title, and I think you'll agree it's still light years away), but I have to say, you are a phenomenal guitar player. I can see why you were voted Best Blues Guitarist for 2008 by Guitar Players' readers. You were amazing.

Oh, and hey - congratulations on losing 35 pounds. I'm trying to lose some weight myself, so I know how hard it is.

Anyway, I just wanted to say - great show. I really enjoyed it. And I may get to catch up on some of the sleep I missed tonight, after J and I watch Hell's Kitchen (our favorite TV show to watch together - it's a lot of fun). And yes, I know, your show wasn't that late, so I shouldn't be this tired. But I'm a wuss about sleep, okay? I need a certain amount per night, and even getting an hour less makes me tired all the next day. It's a fact about myself that I accepted years ago.

Okay. I'll sign off now. Thanks again. And J? Thanks for taking me to the show last night. I love you.

Signed,

Denise, a new fan of Joe's, who will definitely be drinking a soda this afternoon in an attempt to wake up.


Photo by J :)

Girly

I haven't painted my fingernails in years. Like, it's been so long that I can't even remember the last time I did it. I've thrown all of my nail polish away. And yet suddenly, over the last couple of days, I've been struck by the urge to paint my nails. I blame it on the fact that my index fingernail is actually a decent length - those nails always break really easily, so they're normally really short.

If the urge doesn't pass, I may be picking up a bottle of nail polish and some polish remover when I go to the drugstore later this week to get a prescription refilled.

Weird. It's like some part of my brain has suddenly remembered I'm a girl. Next thing you know, I'll be wearing make-up again. :)

Catching Up and Oh Man It's Hot Out There

Wow, long time no update, huh? That entry I wrote while I was out of town has been the most recent entry for so long, I figured I should finally get around to writing a new one.

Of course, I don't really have much to say. :) It's been crazy hot here the last few days, which sucks whenever you have to be outside. But J put a window air conditioner in the bedroom, so now we have someplace to go cool off when the rest of the house gets too hot. It was very nice to be able to turn it on at 4:00 this morning, when I woke up sweating. Of course, I about froze J right out of the bed, though. Hee. Sorry about that, J. We might just have to switch sides of the bed from now on whenever the AC needs to be on (it's in the window on his side of the bed).

Do you like the picture up there? I was sitting at my desk on Saturday, playing the Sims, and looked over to see Rosie and Duff laying down side by side, in the exact same position. It would be perfect if Duff's head was down on the floor like Rosie's (or if hers was up like his), but I thought it was still pretty darn cute.

The dogs spent a lot of Saturday in this position, although they mostly did it on the cooler floors. I don't know why they chose to lay on the rug, but I'm sure they had their reasons.

As for me, I spent a lot of Saturday sitting at my desk, playing the Sims. I wasn't a complete lazy slug, though - I also did a lot of laundry, and stripped and made the bed, and did the dishes, and cleaned the counters, and vacuumed a ton of Bernie hair (and some other animal hair) off the floors. It makes me feel better, on those lazy days, to at least do something of value.

And okay, it may be a week and a half since I've posted, but I'm still out of things to say, so that's all from me for now. Later, taters!

Away

I'm out of town today and half of tomorrow, on a work trip. I didn't have to go far - just a couple of hours away. The drive was nice, and for the first time in my life, I drove a vehicle larger than a small car! I took the work van, because my car needs new brakes and the mileage is getting kind of high - I don't want to take it on road trips anymore if I don't have to. So I'm driving the van. Which drives just like a car - I just had to get used to the height of it. No biggie. Although I keep reaching between the seats for the shifter, because that's where mine is - but on the van it's on the steering column. Hee.

We went out to dinner tonight after the meeting, and it was at a fancy restaurant, so I was afraid I wouldn't find anything to eat (I'm picky AND lactose intolerant, which is a fun combination sometimes), but they had chicken Marsala, so that was fine. I paid $18 just to eat a piece of chicken, but oh well. I can't help it if I would have been happier at Wendy's - most professional people would prefer the fancy place. I've just never been a fancy person. I did turn down the $6 brownie for dessert, though. It would have been yummy, I'm sure, but I can use the $6 to go to the movies, instead. :) Sex and the City comes out tomorrow, so I have plans to see that on Saturday. If I'm frugal enough, I'll be able to pay for the movie AND get lunch - but we'll have to go somewhere cheap to eat. Being broke isn't fun, but it does teach you how to stretch a dollar when you want to do something fun but your funds are limited.

And okay, I'm going to go lay in bed and find something to watch on TV. Good night, Internet. (And J, I miss you. I wish you were here.)

I Have a Secret

I have a secret. Every time my phone rings at work (especially in the afternoon), I secretly hope it's J calling me. And whenever it isn't (which is often, since I'm at work and people do sometimes call me about work stuff there, and also, J is also at work, and can't be calling my needy ass all day long), I get disappointed.

I'm such a sucker for a call from my man. Or a smile from him. Or a sarcastic word from him. I'll take whatever I can get. :)

(Yes, I know, you're all puking on your keyboards now. :P)

*****

Also, and this has nothing to do with the above whatsoever...someone at my work is going to see Billy Joel in concert with some friends. She has no idea who Billy Joel is or what he sings. She claims it's because she's 25 and spent her youth listening to rap, but that doesn't seem to be any kind of an excuse to me. How do you live in this world and not even know Piano Man? Or Uptown Girl or any of the other multiple hits he's had in the last three decades? That ticket is lost on her.

Memorial Day Weekend

My long weekend is almost done, which is sad, because it's been so great! Saturday I rearranged the living room, which took the whole morning, but I think it looks good now. Then that afternoon J and I went to my sister's house. She had a combination graduation/birthday party. Two of my nieces were graduating - one with her bachelor's degree, one with her RN nursing degree - and my great-niece turned five on Sunday. It was a lot of fun hanging out there, as always. We had burgers and hot dogs and cake.

Sunday was J's birthday, yay! Happy Birthday, J! I gave him his gifts in the morning, his parents came over to wish him a happy birthday, and then we went to see the new Indiana Jones movie in the afternoon. And it was great! I had been hearing some mixed reviews on it, but J and I both loved it. I wouldn't mind seeing it again, actually. And we got to have movie theater popcorn, woo! :)

And today we have hung out together watching DVDs, and we went mini-golfing earlier (I beat him by two strokes, which was total luck, but I'll take it), and J barbecued some chickn and some Hoffman's hot dogs, so life is good. And J has peanut butter pie for his birthday, since he's not really a cake lover, and since I don't like that, I have chocolate pie.

Happy Memorial Day, people. I hope yours was as good as mine.

Mix CD

Yesterday when I got home from work, I was greeted by my exhausted man, who had worked all the Wednesday night, and hadn't had any sleep since Tuesday night. He was worn right out. He wasn't too tired to surprise me with the sweetest present ever, though. He made me a mix CD. :)

As hard as it may be to believe, I have never received a mix CD (or tape) from a boyfriend before. Shoot, before J I didn't let anyone stick around long enough to do that kind of thing, I guess. I usually kicked them to the curb within two or three weeks, which is about how long it took for my relationship fears to kick in and send me into panic mode. So the fact that this is a new experience for me might make it that much more special, I don't know. All I know is that I love this CD.

It starts out with our song - You and Me, by Alice Cooper. It includes Spider Pig, from the Simpsons movie. It includes songs that we've heard at concerts we've gone to together, and songs that we both love. Mostly, though, it's filled with songs that make J think of me when he hears them. It may be the most romantic thing he's done for me yet.

I've listened to it four times so far today. I'll be listening to it in my car on the way home. I love it. Thank you, J.

And as a special ending to this post, here is something to watch - Alice Cooper, on The Muppet Show, singing You and Me to a Muppet (unfortunately this clip doesn't show the surprise ending - the Muppet he was singing to was actually Miss Piggy, who had been changed into that other thing with a spell by Alice. The only clip I could find that included that was in a different language and dubbed. Sigh).

Today's Work Mood: Annoyed

I'm having a kind of annoying day. I got a call this morning from the one person at work that I hate, and he just set my mood for the whole day. Or at least the the first half of the workday. I'm hoping for better things this afternoon. We'll see.

So, J took me over to pick up my car on Saturday afternoon. I paid my bill and managed not to wince too much as I handed him the check for over $400. Sigh. I'll miss that money. But, the car is quiet now, and much safer, so it was worth the money. Although I do still need new brakes (I'm going to try to do them next month) and new tires at some point before winter. Oh, and my check engine light is on because there is a problem of some sort with my radiator fan, so I'll have to get that checked, too. Why is it that all of the problems start now, when I'm trying to catch up on bills and maybe start to get ahead? Not to mention that the car is really close to being paid off - I'll make my last payment in November. Sigh. Cars suck, at least when they need fixing. And when you have to fill the gas tanks, too. Something needs to be done about this gas price thing - it's just gotten out of control. I can't afford it!

Anyway. While I was there picking up my car, I saw my Aunt. She is the mechanic's step-mother. For those of you who don't know me (and for those who do), this Aunt is my father's sister. My father died when I was two (almost three), and my mother cut us off from his family due to a dispute she had with his parents, so I grew up not knowing them. The grandparents are all gone now, so this Aunt is my only link with his family. It gives me kind of mixed feelings about her. I don't know her at all, really, but she is family, and she knows things about my family that I never will - how we were when I was a baby, and before I was even born. She told me a story of a time when she babysat all five of us while Mom and Dad went to Florida on a trip.

Apparently, Mom had all of the older kids pretty well trained. They'd get up in the morning and make their beds, and one of them would get breakfast and another one would clean up and another one would sweep the floors. And then the older four would all go off to school, and she'd be left to just watch me during the day. And she said that one night I got up fussing, because I needed to be changed. So she got up and changed me, and put me back to bed. Then the next morning she said my sister asked her about it. "I heard (my nickname) last night. What was wrong with her?" "She needed to be changed." "So what did you do?" "I changed her." "Well, you're supposed to rock her back to sleep." :) Apparently my sister was a little mother even then.

Also, I think I've figured out why, to this day, I do a slight rocking motion when I first go to bed (and in case that needs to be explained - when I'm lying on my side, I'll rock back and forth a little bit). I don't do it long, but for the first few minutes after I go to bed I will. And now I guess I know why! :D

Anyway. I probably still won't see my Aunt much at all, except when I happen to run into her. But it's a strange thought to realize that she's my only link to a whole side of my family that I don't know.

Okay. I need to go do something else, I guess. Like find something to put a smile on my face, since the mood hasn't lifted much. I hope you're all having great Mondays!

Car repair update

J is on his way home from work right now - when he gets here, we're going to go get my car, which is ready and waiting for me. And I almost got my wish! The mechanic called last night and said it was going to cost $200 to replace the bad wheel bearing in my left front wheel. Woo! But then he called back this morning and said that after he got that one in, he test drove it, and it was still making the roaring noise - the right front wheel bearing was going bad, too. :( So I told him to replace that one, too, and now my bill is $405. Sigh. More than I hoped for, but I was still able to pay it, and by only sacrificing one or two bills (one of which is the vet bill, and with what they put me through last month, I don't feel bad about that at ALL, and anyway, they'll be paid off next month when I get my tax rebate/economic stimulus check finally), I can still buy J some birthday presents, which was my most important goal.

So, it's not bad. And my car will be safe again, which is good. I'll be happy to drive to work without having to fear that my car will fall apart and crash somewhere.

I will have to take it back in at some point this summer, once I save some more money, though. It needs new tires and the check engine light is on for a reason that isn't vital or life threatening, but will have to be taken care of before I can have it inspected in December.

Cars suck. Or at least car payments and car repair bills suck. But being able to pay those bills does not suck, so I'm really happy it didn't cost more than it did.

Car Repairs

I'm dropping my car off at the shop tonight. Cross your fingers and hope for a cheap repair bill for me, would you? I'm thinking about $300 or less. Yes, I'm hoping for a lot. We'll see if I'm hoping for too much. I'll let you know.

No More Blueberry Muffins for Me, Thanks

I am mildly lactose intolerant. I say mildly, because I can eat some dairy - I'm fine with cheese, I can eat ice cream and I can eat yogurt. Milk, however, I canNOT drink, and most things made with milk are also off limits, such as mashed potatoes, macaroni and cheese and other yummy things like that. I haven't had Stouffer's macaroni and cheese in easily five years, and I still miss it from time to time. Oh, and I miss milkshakes, too. Mmmm.

One of the things that I have found out I CAN'T eat, unless I buy a mix and make them myself, is blueberry muffins. They're made with milk, and they bother me. I won't go into what they do to me, because it's gross, but suffice it to say after I get this reaction from a food item once, I tend not to eat it again.

And yet, when a coworker brought in store bought mini blueberry muffins this morning, I checked out the label. Milk was listed in the ingredients, but it was under the "contains 2% or less of..." section. So I would be fine if I only ate one, right? They're so little! I ate one. I've been paying for it all day.

I am an idiot.

How Diet Pepsi is Saving My Life Today

Willow decided to be a bitch last night, and not in the technical, she's a female dog kind of way. She kept J and I awake most of the night by growling. All night long. Until I finally kicked her out of the bedroom - almost literally, but she moved too fast for my foot to hit her.

So today I'm working on about four hours of sleep and a just-finished 20 ounce bottle of Diet Pepsi (thank you, Diet Pepsi, for keeping me awake today, so that I can at least pretend to work). So I thought I would tell you how my day is going, in a very general timeline (all times approximate, because it's not like I was awake enough to write any of this down).

6:36 - tiny sobs, as I realize it's time to get up, and I need to sleep, like, four more hours to be fully rested. J and I tell each other how tired we are, and I get up, while he stays in bed for another hour (lucky man - even if he didn't go back to sleep, still lucky).

6:40 - 7:35 - get ready for work, telling every animal who will listen how tired I am. Yell at Willow and childishly refuse to pet her, because I'm tired and grumpy and holding a grudge. Put the gate back on the futon, so that Willow won't be able to lay on it and be all comfy all day, while I'm at work suffering. Also wish I could be home all day to poke her whenever she starts to go to sleep. We couldn't sleep all night, why should she get to sleep all day?

8:00 - 9:30 or so - sleep walk through work, getting a few things done in spite of my exhaustion.

At some point during this time, around 9:00, maybe? - get a call from someone who works for my company, who is the ONE PERSON in the ENTIRE COMPANY that I really can't stand. Listen to him bitching about being all confused about something that has been going on for A MONTH NOW, biting my tongue because I have no patience in the world. At all. Especially for him. Sigh, out loud, and wish I could shoot daggers through the phone. Like, literally, daggers that would hit him and at the very least wound him horribly.

9:30 - start to wake up a little, thanks to my Diet Pepsi. Which, as I may have mentioned, rocks my tired little world today.

9:45 - find out that the woman who I used to work with in another department, who brought in birthday strawberry shortcake fixings for a coworker's birthday today, used Grands biscuits and fake whipped cream, so that I would be able to eat them (I'm lactose intolerant). I told her she rocks the most, and I meant every word of it. That shortcake was awesome.

10:30 - start falling back to sleep (or at least wanting to). That energy burst didn't last long.

11:30 - lunch! Jelly sandwich and pretzels, yum.

12:00 - come back to a message, but it's not from J (I secretly always hope it's him, whenever my work phone rings, because I'd rather hear his voice than anyone else's, especially when the other people's voices might bring me more work). I take the message down and decide I will call back later, when I've cooled down from my walk and am maybe more awake (from chugging more Diet Pepsi).

12:40 - call the person back, only to find out that they already found what they were calling me for, meaning I don't have to do a thing. Woo! I love that kind of call. I decide that the gods are being merciful to a poor exhausted employed girl. And then I have this confirmed when I come back to my computer to find that Pandora is playing "Stayin' Alive" by the Bee Gees. If that won't wake you up, nothing will. :)

Okay, I must get back to it. Maybe I have a second wind coming. And if not, I have a second bottle of Diet Pepsi on my desk, waiting to help me out. Oh, here is a side benefit to all that Diet Pepsi - soda makes me feel full. I'm trying, once again, to eat less junk food and lose some weight (like, 25 pounds initially, 60 pounds overall). The soda is helping me not want to snack. Diet Pepsi, is there nothing you can't do?

Why, why, why?

Why do some women feel like their butt is to precious to sit on a toilet seat? Not that I have a problem if they want to give their thigh muscles a workout by hovering over the seat, but I DO have a problem when the fact that they're hovering over the seat, so that their princessy ass doesn't need to touch the same spot that anyone else's butt has touched (the horror!), means that they have bad flow control, or bad aim, or both, and they end up peeing on the fucking seat!

Learn to aim, sit your ass on the seat like a normal person, or hold it until you go home. But above all, stop peeing on a toilet seat that I might need to use after you.

Good Job!

I got a "good job" from my big boss today. I LOVE that. It makes me feel like my job is secure for just a little while longer. :) (And he doesn't just hand those accolades out at the drop of a hat, so they mean a lot.)

Maybe this Monday won't suck after all! (Even though I forgot to get a towel out before I got in the shower this morning, so when I got done and opened the curtain, I was all, "fuck. Sable, get me a towel, would you?" She didn't. Hmph.)

Warning: Mushiness Ahead, Proceed at Your Own Risk

I missed updating yesterday. Oops. So now, even though it's May, and my obligation to update every day is over (not that I made it, but the double posting days make up for the days I didn't post at all, right? Sure they do), I'm posting today. This is fair warning, though - I'm feeling mushy, about the one person in my life I get mushy over, so if that kind of stuff nauseates you, don't read this (Sarah :P).

So. I was having a rough afternoon yesterday. I was hormonal, I think, because I felt the need to eat everything that wasn't nailed down, and I felt very uncomfortable in my own skin as a result. I'm also completely broke right now. I only got $14 in gas the other day, because it was just enough to get me through until payday, and I needed to get cat food (and I only had $21). My cats weren't going to make it until the weekend on what they had.

Well, yesterday after work, J and I went out to dinner at Denny's (did I get something light, to make up for earlier? No, I got chicken tenders and fries - I make no sense even to myself). After dinner was over, we stopped at Walmart so that J could get a wire (cable, whatever) to plug his mp3 player into a boom box. After he found his cord (wire, cable, whatever), we walked over to the cat food aisle. I was debating between the small bag and the medium bag. I was going to pick up the medium bag, because it was $7.12, and I had $7 and change in my wallet. It would leave me sans cash until, well, probably until June or so, since I'll still be broke in May (due to car repairs this time) but whatever. At least the cats would eat. J pointed out the 20 pound bag, and I told him I couldn't afford that - I only had $7. And he picked one up and walked away, and paid for it at the register.

And that seems like a small thing, but you know what? I haven't had anyone to help me like that in years. No, not to help me, but to take care of me, because that's what it felt like. And I almost started to cry (again, hormonal). And it's not really about the cat food - it's about all of it. He loves me, honest to god LOVES me, like no one has loved me since my Mom (only in a different way, duh). I was 37 before I met him. I thought I would be alone forever. I'm 38 now (almost 39), and not only am I not alone, but I've found the person I've been looking for my whole life - the one who loves me no matter what, the one who wants to take care of me and protect me. The one who would do anything for me. And the best part is, I feel the same way about him. And maybe I only appreciate that feeling so much because I lived for so long without it, I don't know. But I do appreciate it, very much. I appreciate HIM very much.

I love him very much.

Okay, mushy post over. I'll go back to normal next time I write, okay? Okay.

Monday Night

First I'll just get the obligatory Gracie mention out of the way - she did fine last night. :) She seemed a little lost without the routine of sleeping in her crate, but after sleeping in there for three months, I guess that's to be expected. She eventually settled in and slept on the futon all night, so that was good. As for me, I'm still watching her, just not as closely as I was. When I see her jumping from something, I hold my breath until she is safely on the floor, but I do let her make the jump on her own. That's progress, believe me. Also, this whole experience has made me really glad I'm never having kids. If I worry this much over a cat, how would I be with a kid? It's a scary thought.

Anyway. Life is settling back to normal, now that she's out of the crate. Spring is here, so J is doing stuff in his rooms upstairs again (it's awful cold up there in the winter). We decided that he should take over the spare room for his music, so it's his studio now - and still a spare room for when we have overnight guests again someday. I'm glad he has someplace to practice his bass with plenty of room now.

So he was moving stuff around last night, and I helped him a bit. And then he made us some yummy fish for dinner (and let me tell you, I can't believe I'm actually eating fish - he has performed a miracle here), and some cheesy mashed potatoes. I love having real food for dinner. It's hard to believe I only really used to eat cereal and microwaveable stuff. I also got some Simming done. It was a quiet night. And now it's almost time to go home, so bye!

Great News

Great news! I called the vet and left a message, asking how I would know when it's okay for Gracie to be out of the crate full-time, and when the vet tech called back, she said to go ahead and let her free. Woo! So Gracie will be officially released from her crate as of this afternoon. And I'm sure I'll stop watching her like a hawk and worrying about her leg soon, right?

So that's the good news, but then of course the fact that my vet had one of the techs call me back instead of taking two minutes to call me herself, and that they said to go ahead and let her loose without even asking how she was doing on the leg - well, it's just one more sign that it's time to change vets. When I take Bernie for his annual shots this year, he'll be going somewhere new. I need to find someone I like and trust as much as I used to like and trust these people.

Anyway, so Gracie will be happy to get her freedom back, I'll be happy to stop worrying about her (I'm sure it'll happen someday soon), and J will get to bring his weights up from the basement and put them in the mudroom, where the crate Gracie has been living in is currently sitting. So overall, it's good news.

And unless she hurts herself again, this blog will stop being all Gracie, all the time. :)

And before I sign off, I just want to say - J is off today, and he's going to cook me dinner tonight. How cool is that? He is pretty much the best, I think. :)

Excellent Sunday

Today was a really good spring Sunday. J and I watched a movie this morning, then we went out and did yard work for the first time this year. The lawn is mowed, weed eated and looks so pretty. By June I'll be sick of mowing the lawn, but for now it's fun. And then we went to a local diner for dinner, and had some great burgers, fries and ice cream sundaes for dessert. Yum!

And Gracie continues to do great! She is limping, but her bad leg hits the floor every time, which is great, and she's getting stronger. Pretty soon I'll get brave enough to let her jump without stopping her, and she'll be free of the crate for good. It'll happen soon.

Boring entry over. :) Happy Sunday evening!

Encouraged

Gracie is starting to put her foot down when she walks - at least when she walks slowly. She's not putting her full weight on it yet, and she's still hopping on three legs when she moves more quickly, but when she's just walking along at a slow pace, she's putting it down. I am SO happy. I feel like maybe her leg really will heal, and maybe she'll be back to having the run of the house all the time in the next couple of weeks, even when I'm not here to watch her.

Her leg and foot had been rather swollen, too, and that seems to be going down. Her foot looks like a more normal size today. Woo! I needed these good signs. Now I can stop worrying about her so much.

So today is going to be a quiet, boring kind of day, I think. I'll be watching a Netflix movie this morning so that I can send it back. If I get it in the mail today, I should get The Golden Compass on Tuesday, and I really want to see that, now that I've read the books. And other than watching that movie, I have a Sims story to write and maybe some Sims to play, I have a book that I'm close to finishing (Duma Key, by Stephen King) and I have two weeks worth of ellens and three weeks or more of General Hospitals on the DVR to watch. I might not stick with the GHs, though. I'm getting kind of sick of it, after five years of watching it every day.

And now I'm going to start my movie and hold my kitty, who is healing so well. I hope you all have great Saturdays.

Suck It, Bologna

Screw the bologna sandwich today - I'm having cheese sticks for lunch. Yum. :)

Exhausted

I tell you what, having a cat who is recovering from a broken leg and has to be watched like a hawk is exhausting! I've had her out of the crate for most of the time that I've been home from work - about an hour and a half - and I'm tired already!

I also called the vet back, because she is getting around great - but she's doing it on three legs. She isn't putting her formerly broken leg down at all. It's also a little swollen. So I called them to find out what they should have told me yesterday - what to expect while she's recuperating. And apparently, it's normal for her to not want to use her leg right now, and in fact it could be a couple of weeks before she does start using it. And I also found out that what I'm doing is exactly right - she should stay confined in her crate while I'm at work or sleeping, and only be out when I'm there to supervise her and stop her from jumping off anything.

It would have been nice if they had told me that yesterday, though.

Anyway, in the time I had her loose before I made myself dinner, which was about an hour, total, she about gave me a heart attack twice. First she tried to jump on the counter when I was putting my mini pizzas in the toaster oven. She almost made it, but not quite, so I had to grab her really quick before she fell. And then she was sitting on my lap, and Bernie (my dog) came over and got into her face (because he was wanting loving from me, not because he wanted anything to do with her), and she jumped off my lap. But luckily she didn't hurt herself.

So I think for a while she is going to be out for about an hour at a time, or so, longer if I hold her on my lap too. Recuperation is going to be a long, slow process. Sigh.

Cows, Horses, Hay Mazes and Signs

It is such a beautiful day outside today. I had to go to one of the dining places on campus today, to coordinate the installation of a new sign for it, and found out on the way over that it's Ag Day here on campus - Agriculture Day, that is. There were horses, one with a foal, cows and calves penned up in the middle of campus, there was a hay bale maze for kids set out, plus some shiny farm equipment. Kids had been bussed in from the surrounding schools to see the animals and there were a bunch of them running through the maze, honking the horn on one of the tractors and looking at the animals. It was fun to watch, while I was standing there waiting for what turned out to be three people make the decision on where to put the sign, and two more to say that it was okay, because there shouldn't be any wiring in that spot.

Work done by committee is always fun, isn't it? What's more fun is that when we got it all decided and okayed, I left the installation guy to do his thing, and I went to lunch. When I came back, I saw that he had angled it wrong. Sigh. But it's already in the concrete, so I don't imagine there's much that can be done. Oh well. At least the sign is there, right?

Cast Free Gracie

Gracie is home, her cast gone. She's limping on the leg a little, and I don't trust it enough to just let her loose in the house. She was loose in the mudroom for a while, and I tried to bring her out to the living room, but she just ran limping back to the mudroom - for now, I guess that's where she feels like she needs to be. I'm sure she'll get over that eventually. And I'm sure I'll get over thinking her leg is made of glass, ready to break again the first time she jumps down on it. It may take me a while, though.

The vet's office disappointed me again, too. I know they were doing me a favor by not charging me to take off her cast, and I appreciate that, I really do. But I went in there today with Gracie, and the receptionist took her to the back and they took her cast off, and she just brought her back out in her crate. I never talked to a vet at all. After she's spent three months in a cast, and even though they're taking it off, they're not sure how good her elbow is healed, shouldn't they talk to me and give me some instructions on what she should and shouldn't do? Should she just be loose in the house right away, or should she just be in one room or in the crate still? No one told me anything. Shoot, I didn't even get to see her out of the crate until I got her home. So I think I'll be finding a new vet. And that makes me sad, because I've gone to these people for years, and always trusted them, but now for two visits in a row, I've been treated in ways that I don't like.

Stupid vets.

So, since I didn't get any instruction from the vets, I'm just going to keep her in the crate for a couple of days when I'm not home and at night, just to make sure she doesn't try to do too much too soon. And then I'll just watch her when I'm at home, to make sure she doesn't re-break her leg.

In the meantime, her leg needed a lot of grooming. It was full of dead hair, which I pulled out as much as I could - she groomed it herself the rest of the way, but I didn't want her swallowing anymore of that dead hair than necessary. It looks good now, just with way less hair than normal, and a bit of a bald spot on one side, where the cast must have rubbed it. But I'm sure it'll look normal again soon.

8 Years

Double updating today, because I need to mention - it has been 8 years today (well, at about 11:55 tonight it'll be 8 years exactly) since my Mom died.

I love you, Mom. I miss you every day of my life.

In the first two years after she died, I thought I might never get over it. By the third year, I had finally accepted that she was gone, and started to move on, without being plagued by grief and depression every day. Now, eight years later, I think of her every day, and I still wish she were here, but it's not a constant pain like it used to be. I still miss her like crazy, though. She was opinionated, she was fun, she loved ribald humor, and she was my mother.


High School Mom


1987 Mom in Hawaii

She was beautiful. And can't you just see the love of life shining in her eyes? I can.

Gracie and the Cast

I just talked to Gracie's vet. The radiologist didn't see any real difference between this x-ray and the one from 3 1/2 weeks before, so they're just going to take the cast off and see how she does. I'm hoping for good things. We'll see. If it breaks again from her just doing her usual stuff, then the leg will have to come off, so cross your fingers for me that she is really healed, okay?

Also, I said something to the vet about her office making me pay the whole amount of the visit from last time. She said she would have okayed me paying just my regular $50 payment, if she had been there. Which doesn't help me be any less broke this month, but at least I had the satisfaction of talking to her about it. Which doesn't really do anything, but oh well. She also said she wouldn't charge me for taking off Gracie's cast, so that's a good thing. I really don't want this bill to climb any higher than it has to. (Another good reason to hope she is healed for good.)

I'll update tomorrow afternoon with how she's doing, sans cast.

People are Nasty

I was just in the restroom at work. Someone came into the stall next to me, peed, wiped, and then just walked out of the stall. No flush. Then she went to the sink and did something - fluffed her hair with her pee-germ covered hands, presumably, and then left, without washing her hands. I tried to see who it was, to make sure it wasn't someone I work with, and I don't think it was - I think it was a student.

Still. What the heck, people? When you go to the bathroom, you FLUSH THE TOILET. And when you've done that, you go to the sink and WASH YOUR HANDS. It's not hard. Your Mama should have taught you to do that when you were just a wee little tyke learning not to fill your pants. Just do it. You're making you Mama sad, and you're grossing the rest of us right the fuck out.

Yuck.

Gorgeous Spring Day

Wow, today it is just absolutely gorgeous outside. It's extremely windy, but the sun is out and warm, and it's just great. The farmers have been spreading manure in the fields across the street, so it's been rather stinky, but they tilled the fields today, and suddenly the smell is bearable. We've been outside, scooping dog poop and getting the lawn mower started for the first time after a long winter. There hasn't been any mowing done yet, because J is going to change the oil in it first, but it's at least been started. And now J is outside working in the garage - picking up more of the crap I had back there (I really had filled the garage with crap, which most men would find to be a horrible offense, I think). Little by little, he's reclaiming the garage as usuable space.

So, it's just a very nice day. I love weekends - I just wish they lasted longer. Going back to work tomorrow is just going to suck. At least once Tuesday is over, my schedule at work should go back to a more normal state, meaning a less frantic pace of work. Which is good. I've enjoyed the fast pace, but I'm ready for a break.

J and I have done some doggy maintenance today, too. J cleaned out the dogs' ears, because they just get so incredibly dirty. And when we were sitting outside, enjoying the nice day, I got the dog brush out and brushed Bernie, and J brushed Duff and Rosebud. Shedding season is here, you know. Bernie has started dropping large amounts of hair every time he shakes himself - or stands up or sits down or lays down or just breathes - and the more hair I can brush out of him outside, the less hair ends up in the house. Which is good.

And now I'm going to go back to enjoying the day. I hope you are doing the same!

Vet

Sorry I forgot to post last night. I'm not doing very good at this posting every day in April thing, huh.

Anyway. I took Gracie to the vet yesterday, so very hopeful that she would get her cast off. She didn't, but she's really close. The vet wanted the radiologist to look at the new x-ray and see if she thought it was there, or if Gracie needed more time just to make sure. So she's wearing it at least until Tuesday, because the radiologist is only in on Monday afternoons (apparently there aren't many animal radiologists around, because this one travels from one vet clinic to another, only spending part of one day per week in mine).

So I was disappointed to take her home with her cast still on, but I can live with waiting until next week, I guess. And I got to see the x-rays - this one and the one from her last visit - so I got to see the new bone filling in around the break. And there is one dark line in the middle that seems to be a weak spot to me, so if the radiologist says we should wait a few more weeks, as sad as it'll make me to keep her in the crate that much longer, I'll accept it. I don't want her leg to just break again the first time she jumps down onto it.

Anyway, so the visit went pretty well, and Gracie was really good - she loved getting attention from the vet and me, and just made friends with everyone there. But then the visit was over, and I walked out to the lobby.

Now, when I first had to take Gracie in for this, I arranged to pay them over time, because I just didn't have the money to afford paying the whole bill in one shot. J was kind enough to offer to lend it to me if they wouldn't do a payment plan, but they did, so it was okay. I could get Gracie taken care of, and not have to worry. And I'd have them paid off by July, latest, anyway. And that's been working great so far. I go in with her, I pay my $50 payment, and they have me fill out new payment agreements for the new total of my bill. It worked great, that is, until yesterday.

For some reason, yesterday they decided that the payment arrangement was only for the last visit, and they needed me to pay the total amount for yesterday's visit. It was only $100, which may not seem like a lot to some people, but for me, that means there is a bill that isn't going to get paid this month. I don't have extra room in my budget right now to pay extra to anyone. So I was very upset about that. And not only that, but when I got my receipt for the first visit, it said on the bottom that rechecks were free. The first time I took her back in, that was true. They charged me $75 for the x-ray, but nothing for the recheck. And then last time, they added $25 to the bill for a recheck. I asked about that last night, and suddenly they know nothing about free rechecks, either. So they're adding that little bit extra to the bill every time I bring her in (and of course I was stupid and threw that first receipt away, so I have no proof of the free recheck thing).

So, obviously I wasn't very happy when I left there yesterday. I'm going to write them a complaint letter today. I've always had good experiences there. The vets are caring people who I don't have any hesitation trusting with the care of my animals. The one vet endeared herself to me forever when Bo had to be put down - she called me in on a Sunday to put him down, because she was afraid he wouldn't make it to Monday, and she didn't want him to die alone in a cage. She even let me take him outside, and she put him down out there. So this experience yesterday has just left a very bad taste in my mouth. I need to tell them about it.

And I guess this is where I'll end that story. I'll update next week with the decision from the radiologist.

Fading Fast

The concert last night was SO fun. So fun that the band didn't want to stop playing, apparently, because they were on stage for about two hours. Woo! And then two of the members of the band came out to sign autographs, which was amazing - I've never seen a band do that for the general public before, only for VIPs. So we stayed to meet them and get J's stuff signed. Then a quick trip to Wendy's, so that we could get overcharged for dinner (thanks, drive-up dude), and we were home. I crawled into bed at Midnight. Did I mention that I'm a wuss who is usually in bed no later than 10:00? Yup. I am. It was worth it, because we had a great time, but - oh man, I'm so tired now. I drank a soda this morning, and was doing pretty well, but now, after lunch, I'm fading fast. Zzzzzzzzzz.

So, the band wasn't the only show being put on last night, though. People watching can be so much fun at events like these! I spent a large majority of the show watching a few people.

First, and foremost - the woman I couldn't take my eyes off of. She had short blond hair, which was tossed around with abandon. A red halter top, to show off her large chest. Tight blue jean capri length pants, with white stitching on her ass. She was obviously very drunk (and this venue doesn't serve alcohol, so she accomplished at least most of that state before the show). Her boyfriend was this doofy looking dude who had this stupid grin on his face all night, like he was saying, "Can you believe I get to nail this every night? Every night! Woo!"

Anyway, so she spent most of the show throwing her head back and forth, doing lap dances on her guy's lap and pretty much doing a strip tease dance, only without the stripping. But she had the hip grinding and the chest thrusting and the sexy looks all working for her. There were two guys (and their girls) sitting at the same table as this lovely couple - lucky them. The guys couldn't help but stare at her, so I kind of felt for their girls.

At one point I looked over, and this woman had passed out, draped across her guy's chest. LOL! She woke up when the band hit a high note, and then she was back to dancing. Her guy was either going to get very lucky last night, or else she was going to pass out as soon as she got to the car - one or the other (and I'm betting she passed out).

Then behind me, there was this boy who looked to be about 13 or 14 years old. Old enough to have his hormones going crazy (and yes, he was aware of this chick in red). He was with his mother. Fun, right? Well, actually it was kind of creepy, because she kept rubbing his back, like you would your lover's. She wasn't just rubbing the middle of his back, or his shoulders - she had her hands on the small of his back, too. Inappropriate, much? I see that kid growing up with serious Mommy issues.

Also going on, at our own table, was something I didn't hear at all - J told me after the show. A couple was sitting next to J and apparently they fought throughout the whole show. Fun!

And of course, since this is an older band, the crowd there to see them was mostly middle aged people (which I guess J and I are now, too, sigh). It always seems so weird to see pudgy, gray haired old people with glasses bobbing their heads at a rock concert. Where are the teenagers, dancing in their seats and brandishing their lit up cigarette lighters in approval? I may not have gone to many concerts when I was a teenager (okay, only one), but that will always seem normal to me. I don't know where all these old people came from. :)

Okay, back to sitting here working on stuff and trying not to fall asleep (she says, as her eyes close and her head bobs forward).

Asia

Tonight J and I are going to see Asia. :) That should be fun! I like going to concerts with him - we have a good time at them.

Anyway, so I'm leaving work early to spend some of the day with him, which should also be fun. :) I always enjoy leaving work early.

Speaking of work, it has been so crazy busy! I've never been this busy in this job. It's kind of nice, though, really. The days are going by much faster. And when I start to get overwhelmed, I just stop, write down everything that needs to be done, and prioritize it all. It makes it seem much more manageable. And then I get things done ahead of time, and can plan a little afternoon off! So it works.

So I guess that's all I have for now. (Except - two more days until Gracie's vet appointment, woo! Cast free cat, here I come! I hope. :) I hope you're all having great Tuesdays out there!

Right Now

Watching Bones. Commercials muted. Gracie on my lap. J sleeping in the next room. Bernie on the floor next to me. Willow growling on the couch. Space heater running in the dining room. Belly full of peanuts (and yummy fish).

8:27 p.m., Monday, April 14th, 2008.

(Exciting entry? No, but it's kind of hard to type with a broken legged kitty on my lap.)

There Will Be Milkshakes

J and I watched There Will Be Blood today. The movie was disappointing - long and boring. Daniel Day Lewis was great in it, but the movie itself - blah. There was, however one scene that we both loved. Here is our favorite part (if I can get the code to embed this to work correctly), featuring a line that J will be saying over and over from now on:



"I drink your milkshake!" :D

McDuff's Birthday!

Today is our little McDuff's 10th birthday! Happy Birthday, McDuff!



This little cutie stole my heart shortly after J did. :) He's the sweetest little guy you've ever seen, he loves to kiss and he really likes nothing better than going into the bedroom and sleeping on the bed with me, J, or both of us. He gets along well with my two dogs - okay, he doesn't like Willow much, because of her extreme grouchiness, but he seems to think of Bernie as a cool big brother. He follows him around the yard when they go outside together, and he gets very excited when we first get home from work,and we let Bernie out of his crate. And of course he loves Rosebud to no end. He likes to curl up with her, with his head on her back, and I often see him grooming her, by cleaning her face and even in her ears. He's a good little dog. (And it's insanely cute, seeing him get his little face underneath her huge floppy Basset Hound ears.)

Happy Birthday, little Duff man! I hope you stick around with us for 10 more.

Tired Now

Oh, so tired all of a sudden. Yawn. I think it's going to be an early to bed kind of night.

So, work has been kicking my butt lately! I have a lot of projects going on - well, a lot for me. I'm kind of used to sitting there hunting for things to do. But now they've got me busy almost non-stop. It's exhausting! The week is going by really quickly, though.

And because of work, I had to change Gracie's appointment. I'm going to have to be at a work thing Friday afternoon of next week, so I changed her appointment to Thursday. So, one week from today, I'm hoping she will be cast free! It's exciting.

And now, probably because of the tiredness, I'm out of things to say. So. Happy Thursday night to you! I'm going to go back to playing the Sims 2 until it's time to go to bed.

A Real Entry Today

Sorry for that poor excuse for an entry last night. Work has been getting really busy for me lately - a situation which is very unusual, as I normally have ample time to sit on my ass at work and write in here if I want to. But this week has been non-stop working, which is good because the days go by really fast. It just makes updating here a little harder. And who wants to update from home, when there are fiances to hang out with, Sims 2 to play, TV to watch and books to read? :)

Anyway. So, J got home from his trip at about 1:00 on Sunday, and then he was kind enough to want to hop back into a car to drive me to the mall to try to buy me a spring jacket. Of course, we weren't successful in that quest, because apparently spring jackets are in the stores when it's still winter outside, so there weren't many still around now that it's actually spring. Sigh. If I had wanted a bikini, though, I'd have been all set.

But the trip wasn't wasted, because he was kind enough to buy me a new pair of sneakers, to replace my worn out, stinky ones, and I finally used my Border's gift card to buy a couple of books. And we ate at Johnny Rocket's, which I had never even heard of, much less been to. The food was good, and I kind of wished my Mom were still around, because she would have loved the 50s ambiance and the music they were playing. I miss her all the time, but certain situations make me think of her even more.

Since the week started, nothing really exciting has happened. Gracie is getting ever closer to getting rid of her cast. I'm still loving playing Sims 2. I'm writing the most recent chapter of my Sims 2 legacy story. J and I watched Hell's Kitchen last night, which is always fun.

So, yup - nothing too exciting. :) But at least I got a real entry in for today, woo! And now I have to get back to work. Sigh.

Not Really An Entry

Busy day. Going to bed. Better entry tomorrow. :)

Single Doesn't Work Anymore

Oops. I forgot to post an update last night. Well, so much for putting up an entry every day in April! If I have anything to say later, I'll do two today to make up for it. I don't really have an excuse, either. I was sitting in my living room chair last night, reading my book, and remembered that I needed to post an update. I figured I'd put one up when I finished reading, before I went in to get ready for bed. I forgot. :)

J came home from his trip yesterday afternoon. Here is what his weekend away taught me: I'm very happy to no longer be single and alone. Some time alone is good every now and again - that's certainly true. But here's the thing. I was alone Friday night. Fine. I played the Sims, watched some TV and went to bed. I was alone all day on Saturday. Okay. I played the Sims some more and watched a couple of chick flicks that I wouldn't watch when J is around. I was alone all Saturday night. Okay, except... the only person I had seen or spoken to all day was the grocery store clerk when I went to pick up a TV dinner for lunch (which I never ate, because I also picked up a small loaf of fresh made bread, and I ate that instead - I love bread). So I was getting kind of lonely. And by the time I went to bed that night, I had remembered that when I was single, just about every weekend was like that. I had lots of time to do what I wanted to do, but I hardly ever saw or spoke to anyone from Friday afternoon until Monday morning. It was a very lonely life.

And that whole long paragraph is just meant to say this: J, I love you. I'm glad to have you in my life, and to be sharing a house with you. I'm glad you had fun on your trip, but I'm glad to have you home again.

And that's enough mushiness for one post. Maybe I'll post later, with tales of my Sunday.

Spring Has Come

Spring has finally arrived. I took the down comforter off my bed and put on the warm weather quilt (it might be too early, but I just had to do it). I can't wait until it gets a little bit warmer, so that we can stop running space heaters altogether, and open the windows to let the fresh spring air come in and force the stale winter air out.

I started taking out the ladybugs who have been living in my house all winter. The dogs and I sat outside in the sunshine for 15 minutes or so, just soaking it in. I felt like a flower, lifting its head to the sun.

I missed you, spring. Welcome back.

Friday Rambling

For some reason, I am just exhausted today. I got to sleep a little bit later than normal (but not much) and got up half an hour earlier, but it doesn't seem like that was enough of a difference to make me this tired. Yawn. I just got a Diet Pepsi on the way back from lunch. Hopefully that will wake me up.

So I saw J off on his trip this morning. He and his brother are off to watch hockey. I hope they have fun. I'll miss him while he's gone, but at least I'll have the animals to keep me company. I'm sure I won't have much time while he's gone where I won't be petting someone or letting the dogs out or feeding them or filling water dishes or scooping litter. Or doing the dishes or vacuuming or taking the recycling to the dump. Wait! This getting left home alone thing isn't all that great, huh? LOL. Oh well. I'll survive, and he'll be home on Sunday. And despite all the work of taking care of the animals and doing some housework, I'll still get lots of time to loaf, and that's really all I require out of a weekend.

Two weeks from today Gracie gets her cast off! I'm very excited. Oh wait, I should say two weeks from today, she goes back and gets an x-ray to MAYBE get her cast off. I don't want to jinx myself here. Still, I have good reason to believe that she will be cast free in two weeks, and then she'll be free to run around the house again. Woo! I just hope she's happy about that. Last night I was holding her, and I hadn't turned the space heater on yet, so I got up and did that, and I put her on the floor in front of me and held on to her. Well, I had to wait for the wick in the heater to light, and she ran off. It lit, I ran after her, and she just went into the mudroom and stood in front of her crate. So I opened the door and let her in. Silly cat. She could have been free (well, on my lap, anyway) for at least a little while longer. Oh well. Like I said, two more weeks.

Okay, I seem to be out of things to say. My exhausted brain hasn't been charged up by the caffeine in my soda yet. So I'll sign off here. Talk at you again tomorrow!

Another List for You

The theme for the Nablopomo posting every day thing last month was lists. This month it's letters. I seem to be doing last month's theme, without even meaning to. Hee.

Here, because I couldn't think of anything good to write today, is a list of things I'd rather be doing right now (instead of sitting at work doing my job and watching the clock, waiting for 4:30):

1. Watching a movie with J.

2. Petting one of the dogs, and/or holding a cat on my lap, maybe while a second cat hangs out on my shoulder (which Sable likes to do).

3. Reading my book (still Duma Key by Stephen King).

4. Playing the Sims 2.

5. Talking to J on the phone.

6. Sitting on a rocky coast in Maine, watching the waves come in and go out.

7. Riding the Loch Ness Monster (roller coaster) at Busch Gardens in Williamsburg, Virginia. It's the first one I ever rode, and will therefore always be my sentimental favorite.

8. Sitting outside with the dogs, reading my book, while the birds chirp and sing and spring starts showing its colors to the world.

9. Watching Buffy. (Oh, and did you know Giles was in Sweeney Todd for about 30 seconds? Because he totally was. And I was zoning out when he came on screen, so I didn't notice him, and J thought I didn't recognize him, and teased me about it. But really, I just wasn't paying attention. Once I tuned back in, I knew who he was immediately!)

10. Watching Firefly again. I miss that show.

11. Taking a day trip with J somewhere.

12. Mowing the lawn. The lawn hasn't started growing again yet, but I kind of miss doing it. By the time I've had to do it for a few weeks in a row, though, I'll be sick and tired of it. But right now, it sounds fun, to ride along and look at the pretty scenery around my house and watch for moles in the grass and birds flying around me.

13. Sitting quietly on the futon watching a good show on TV while I work on the baby blanket I'm making.

14. Petting a puppy or a kitten. J got to pet a baby Westie yesterday (a baby McDuff). I'm kind of jealous.

15. Spending my Borders gift card, finally.

Reading over that list, I seem to be starved for nature and good weather (not exactly a surprise, at this time of year, after a long, cold winter). And I love to watch TV, read, play the Sims 2 and hang out with J. The former, I didn't realize. The latter is always true. :)

Looking Forward

Things I'm looking forward to...

4:30, when I get to leave work and go home.

The weekend, even though J will be away at a hockey game with his brother (I'll enjoy being alone until about 7:00 on Friday night, is my prediction, then I'll be lonely).

Gracie getting her cast off, hopefully in two weeks and two days.

Paying off a few bills, so that I won't be so strapped every month.

Paying off my credit cards.

Someday paying off my two small student loans (the big one may be there until I die).

My vacation in July, which J is taking off too.

My birthday!

J's birthday!

The extra paycheck I'll get in May (oh, to catch up and actually have some cash, if my car repairs don't take it all).

July 4th. It's my favorite holiday.

Maybe buying a new spring coat and some PJ pants this weekend or next week (thanks to J).

New episodes of all of my favorite TV shows starting back up soon!

Hugging my cats and dogs.

Seeing J when he gets home from work tonight.

Lunch! In just half an hour.

Spring. Which is basically here now. But I want the daffodils and the green grass and the sunshine to go with the Robins who are flying around outside, and the flies which are buzzing around my windows and light bulbs inside (I hate flies).

Having my car paid off in November or December. Woo!

Holding Gracie on my lap when I get home, and hearing her purr as I pet her.

Going to see Asia with J in a couple of weeks.

Quiet time to read my book (Duma Key, by Stephen King) or play The Sims 2 or watch TV or just sit and pet a critter. Or some combination of the above.

And lots of other stuff I can't think of right now, but which will come to mind as soon as I post this. :)

On Dreams

For some reason I was just thinking about dreams. Not the kind that come to you at night while you're sleeping, but the kind you have for yourself and your future. I've had so many dreams since I was a kid. I've wanted to be a writer. That's the only one that has pretty much stayed around my whole life. I seem to have given up on it, but the thought is still there as a pleasant day dream in the back of my mind.

I wanted to be a veterinarian when I was younger, but I didn't think I could handle having to put the animals to sleep when they were sick. Now I think I could handle that fine (I cremated animals for nine months in a part-time job - I've gotten over my issue with that), but I don't think I could handle the anatomy classes to get the degree, and if I somehow got it, I don't think I could deal with the people who don't take care of their animals properly, or who abuse them or who abandon them. My heart aches for animals in a way that I just can't really describe, but that other animal lovers will understand immediately.

As an off-shoot of that dream, when I was older I started wanting to be a vet tech. I'd still have the same issue with the anatomy classes, though.

My friend Sally and I have shared a dream of someday running a boarding facility for dogs and cats. It would be different than most, though. It would have music for them to listen to, and couches for them to lay on, and animal beds, and they'd get walked at least twice a day (the dogs, anyway - the cats would get played with). It would be great, because I'd be getting paid to pay attention to and take care of animals all day - something I do for free right now when I'm at home.

And suddenly I'm realizing that of my first four dreams, three of them have to do with caring for animals. So how did I end up in marketing? Hmmm.

Career dreams aside, I've also always dreamt of finding the man that I would love with all of my heart, who would love me with all of his. We would fit together perfectly. He would come up behind me when I was doing the dishes, and he'd hug me to him or kiss my neck. I'd walk up behind him when he was on the couch or in a chair, and kiss his head and rub his back. This dream actually came true. :)

Since I became a very broke person some years ago (a situation which I am working to change, but it's a slow process), I've dreamed about winning the lottery. We all dream that, though, don't we? What we'd do with the money if we won. J says he would buy a private island somewhere and hide out there from the world and all the people who want to take his money. I just figured I would pay off all my bills, fix up my house, buy myself a new car, give some money to my friends and relatives, and then start helping with animal charities. Oh, and I'd never have a regular 9-5 type job again. Unless I got bored, and then I'd just work somewhere fun part-time, and donate the salary to someone who needed it. Or to the humane society.

Sometimes I dream of having an animal free day - no Willow growling at Rosebud, nobody getting into trash, nobody knocking anything over. No litter to scoop, no dogs to let out, nobody to feed. But then I think about how quiet my house would be, and after I had enjoyed that for a little while - say a day or two - it would be TOO quiet, you know? So I don't really dream of that often. Although I do dream about Willow suddenly deciding to like Rosebud, or at least to not feel the need to growl at her all the time. That would be nice.

I guess now, I mostly just dream about a day when I won't have to worry about money so much. When I'll have some money in the bank, and the worst of my debt will be gone, and I won't have to panic if my car suddenly needs repairs or something. And I dream of being happy on the days when I'm down. And I dream of peace and harmony for all people and animals everywhere. And I appreciate being happy when I am. And I appreciate the smiling face of J, and chatting with Sarah, and seeing Jamie and Jen at lunch, and e-mailing Sally to find out what's going on with her. And I appreciate my sister and her family. And I appreciate my dogs and my cats - every single four legged furry creature in my house (and yes, when I say my dogs, I'm including J's dogs - they all four belong to both of us now. But the cats only belong to me).

And I appreciate the dreams that I have, and I wonder where the older dreams went, and I'm happy for the ones that have actually come true.